Seedy cases

The Heathen Crusade was bad-ass. As promised, I will give you the details soon. I also need to rearrange those links over on the right. And I need to finish up my end-of-year letter for 2005. But right now, I want to talk about one of the best parts of hitting these all-day metal events: the vendors. First of all, if you only go to see music performed live when you have an assigned seat that you purchased months in advance, you're missing a crucial slice of the experience. At a smaller show - I don't mean setting up a mic in the corner of a library or coffee shop, but a "club" show as opposed to an arena job - you have to stand, but you can also get closer to the stage, to the performers and to their touring mechanisms.

It's a well-known argument for mp3 sharing that very few artists make money from album sales (people like Mariah or Kanye), and that if you want to directly support someone who can't recoup a major label's promotional expenditures by selling millions of discs and ringtone downloads, you're better off buying a concert ticket and some merchandise. The smaller the show, the less expensive these usually are, and you have a greater chance of handing your dough directly to a band member. You may even run into them hanging out in front of their van outside. Plus, at genre-specific events such as the Heathen Crusade, you've often got shops and labels hawking CDs, DVDs, t-shirts, etc. at reduced prices, and you can often make a killing. For instance, last weekend a Minnesotan I knew from when he ran a death/black metal shop on Lawrence Avenue in Chicago was standing next to me when he found an original Wrong Again Records pressing of "Vittra" by Naglfar (the Swedish Naglfar, not the Norwegian one linked a few weeks ago). Good luck finding that for less than $30 on eBay.

Me, I came home with three shirts which cost less than two you'd get at a stadium show. Some dudes handed me two free CDs, one a decent sampler of ultra-underground death metal I would never hear otherwise. Finally, I picked up some albums I'd wanted, all in the $10-$12 range, a steal considering the only stores near me which might carry these titles (Tower, Record Breakers) notoriously jack up the prices on indie releases. Read on for an alphabetical look at my purchases.
Benighted Leams - "Ferly Centesms": I love weird black metal, and I've wanted to hear this obscure one-man band for some time now because reviews always mention that this Kurtagic guy makes some incredibly bizarre, polarizing stuff. So I snagged this 2004 release, consisting of material "composed" back in '97 and '98, and while it's certainly not run-of-the-mill, I'm not especially thrilled by it. There's a difference between experimental form and sloppy formlessness, and I can't really tell which side Benighted Leams means to come down on. This stuff is incredibly random, with little in the way of melody or repetition to differentiate one track from the next. The major sound component is a very fuzzy guitar tone which tends to "sizzle" when he saws the strings too much, and occasionally he'll just stop playing for a while in the middle of a track. I think there are keyboards in these breaks, but they're mixed too low to hear over the analog hiss, even on headphones. Likewise, the spoken/shrieked vocals are so obscured this may as well be an instrumental album, and the drums (machine?), when they're audible at all, sound like they were recorded from the next room. The only thing I can remember after several listens is that part of the track "Orphny of Arain Blood" (if that's a white power thing, Kurtagic's impenetrable Ye Olde Englishe lyrickes totally obscure the point) sounds like "Hava Nagila" turned into a crawling doom riff. "Ferly Centesms" seriously sounds like a new band's rehearsal space demo, not the third LP by a label head. I'm all for unpredictability, improvisation and unorthodox recording techniques, but BL is a bit too much for anyone but the most jaded. I'll keep it around, but since I still like the semblance of songs at the moment, if I need to hear something in this vein I will probably go back to old Fleurety or Ved Buens Ende.
Enoch - "Graveyard Disturbances": Finally! Like the mighty Zombi, this is two guys paying tribute to horror movie music from the golden age - late '70s, early '80s. Considering one of them is Mirai Kawashima of Sigh fame, the other his Necrophagia bandmate and reknowned splatter movie afficionado Killjoy, I of course wanted to hear whatever creepy synthesizer madness was in store. And, whoa, is it ever messed up. While Zombi's a pretty straightforward - although damned good - Goblin worship act, Enoch has an avant-garde streak, with a more eclectic approach (they also claim Ennio Morricone, Fabio Frizzi and John Carpenter as influences) and various dissonant noises mixed in to add aural discomfort. Sometimes they drift into symphonics or soundscapes with chilly, layered sci-fi tones. Other times they utilize a lone piano theme reminiscent of those dreary, smeary, TV-movie-looking supernatural pictures that proliferated in the '70s. I like to deride the timidity of such flicks by pointing out the amount of flute music in them, but there are certainly no flutes here, and the piano sounds like it was recorded underwater. The Wizard of Gore said he heard an influence from the "Silent Hill" game soundtracks, but I can't verify this. All in all, not a disappointment in the slightest. I look forward to the promised sequel.
Green Carnation - "The Acoustic Verses": The first two tracks on this were previewed on the EP the band released at Day of the Equinox, one bopping away at a gentle stomp, the other a moody folk number with sparse, intricate guitar and sweet vocals which remind me of Nick Drake. The rest follows suit, allowing the Norwegian art metal collective to indulge its contemplative side. The biggest attraction of "Verses" is its platform for Kjetil Nordhus' versatile voice, which here ranges from a delicate croon to the more lively style he employed for much of last year's cock-rocky "The Quiet Offspring," where his nasal 'tude eerily sounds like Helloween's Andi Deris. I like this album better, as its subdued songs and rich textures sound more comfortable. There's no surprises, as it's very similar to the mellower material Green Carnation has written since its (recording) inception. Still, it's a nice respite from the pounding mayhem I generally prefer and another worthy chapter in the ever-morphing story of the great GC. The band is coming back to tour the States soon, but after hearing this release, the lack of a Chicago date is even more disappointing. Maybe it's already time to schedule another road trip?
Shining - "The Darkroom Sessions": There's one table that's always at these festivals. These dudes sell CDs for $10, or three for $25. A bunch of it's crap death metal and derivative black metal with illegible graphic design. But they've always got something cool, and I can always expect to walk away $25 poorer. Their selection was thinner this time... I was really hoping to pick up the second Ghoul album, but no dice. So this was my third selection after the Enoch and the Benighted Leams, a bootleg(?) of demos and rehearsal tracks by loved/hated Swedish "suicide" metallers Shining. Typical for the band, the disc is six tracks and more than 50 minutes long, but atypically, only the last song has Kvarforth's vocals. So what you get here are lo-fi instrumentals, and it's a case of a crappy "necro" sound working well for the droning, metronomic, nearly post-rock style Shining plays. I don't have the albums these tracks ended up on, so I have no studio comparison. But from what I can tell, older Shining is all pretty samey, melodic and hypnotic black/doom with an awesomely degraded guitar tone and miserable atmosphere. Like Italy's Forgotten Tomb, they remind me of old Katatonia stripped to the bare essentials, or maybe Bethlehem before they went all super-weird. If you don't like screaming vocals, this would be a good underground metal record to check out, because there aren't many. I'm glad I picked this over "Through Years of Oppression", which was also on the table.
Woods of Ypres – "Against the Seasons: Cold Winter Songs from the Dead Summer Heat": Recently remastered and reissued with new artwork, WoY's 2002 demo is indeed better than many professional metal LPs today. Then-drummer and current bandleader David Gold wrote these five tracks on his own, and although they have fewer acoustic sections and a bit more black metal speed in them than does his later material, this fits the demo's self-contained "winter" theme. He had two band members at the time, and here these guys split the vocals between standard harsh and brilliantly morose clean singing. Titles such as "The Shams of Optimism" or "Awaiting the Inevitable" point to Gold's bleak outlook, which is not so much a generic goth "woe is me" as a genuine portrait of disappointment and loss described in specific, very personal terms. The result's akin to older Opeth music with newer Katatonia lyrics. Gold's heartsick words are both direct and evocative, with "A Meeting Time and Place" having particular relevance for me at the moment. Best of all, none of these songs showed up on their amazing debut full-length, making it a worthy selection for anyone who would seek it out. WoY are quickly becoming one of my favorite North American bands... check them out, won't you?

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance. You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea. The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood. It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet.

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Time for a quickie

Now Scarecrow has thrown down the gauntlet. While I fill out another "get to know me" form, I'll listen to The Chasm's "Reveal the Truth". Then I'm heading north. Have a dandy weekend.

Four jobs you’ve had in your life: Editorial Assistant, movie theater usher/concessions, chain drug store cashier/shelf facer, chain grocery store bagger/cart retriever

Four movies you could watch over and over: "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure," "Blood Feast"

Four places you’ve lived: Schaumburg, Chicago, Palatine, Addison (all IL)

Four TV shows you love to watch: "The Shield," "The Office," "The Colbert Report," "The Boondocks"

Four places you’ve been on vacation: Columbia Heights, MN; Toronto, Canada; Carbondale, IL; Seattle, WA (four most recent)

Four websites you visit daily: Google, X-Entertainment, Digital Metal, FARK

Four of your favorite foods: Cheese, peanut butter, pizza, granola

Four places you’d rather be: In the arms of my true love, at a really good metal show, on a wooded mountaintop, Hala Kahiki

Four albums you can’t live without: Katatonia, "Last Fair Deal Gone Down"; Gamma Ray, "Land of the Free"; Pink Floyd, "Wish You Were Here"; Hammers of Misfortune, "The August Engine"

(I won't prod anyone else to do this, but go ahead if you like.)

The Great Cold Distance

Ah, cripes, this winter already blows. Time for a solitary road trip. I can't wait to leave this area behind for a while.

For the past several years, I've really only traveled for concerts or to hang out with fabulous women, excepting a flight to Seattle for my cousin's graduation. Sadly, the trip I'm preparing for has nothing to do with any woman, rather a bunch of hirsute Europeans roaring and banging while wearing tunics and chain mail and shit. Yes, I'm tootling six hours up to Columbia Heights, Minnesota this weekend for the Heathen Crusade, headlined by three of the world's finest pagan metal bands, all performing for their first time in the States. In perhaps the dorkiest move ever, I have decided to pass the week listening to all of those bands' releases in sequential order, starting with the demos, since I have them all. I started Monday with Moonsorrow's "Tämä Ikuinen Talvi", Primordial's "Dark Romanticism" (the reissue) and "Imrama" and Thyrfing's "Hednaland". Expect a thorough breakdown of the show upon my return. In case anybody wants to meet me there, I'm booked at the Motel 6 in Roseville, wherever the hell that is. Wear your jerkin. I sure hope no Nazis show up.

I saw another Richard Harrison/Godfrey Ho picture tonight, the ninja-free "Scorpion Thunderbolt", which was pretty disappointing despite the presence of a hilarious snake man. But you know what ruled? "Hostel". If I may paraphrase the great Tom Robbins (because I don't own "Villa Incognito" and am too lazy to look for the quote online), it's often only when you have absolutely no hope left that hope finally seems to rear its head. After the recent cavalcade of half-assed "brutal" horror pictures shamelessly claiming to be all 70's-style, here's one that gets it. Not skimping on the gore is a definite plus, but although it's a surprisingly hard R, it's also much smarter than its contemporaries in making use of the classic "Bad Place" scenario while tweaking the conventions to which all the others have shamelessly clinged. Eli Roth wrote and directed "Hostel"; he also made "Cabin Fever," which was not a great picture but was certainly weird, gross and memorable. As The Wizard of Gore reminded me, Roth's also responsible for the hysterical "expert" commentary on Troma's "Bloodsucking Freaks" DVD, and for that, the dude is aces in my book.

Like in "Fever," the protagonists here are revolting human beings, and you want to see them impaled as slowly as possible - he's good with getting an audience involved. There's a lot to dig into here, on more than just the commendable visceral level, and it keeps you thinking a bit when it's done. For instance, the suggestion of Slovakia as today's version of the deep South in "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre." By depicting the former Eastern Bloc country as a nightmare fantasia of debauched gratification and lawless depravity which makes Elmhurst, IL look like Branson, MO, is Roth demonizing an already troubled region by inflaming xenophobia, or is he tapping into American audiences' prejudices and fears as outsiders for ulterior motives? Is making me ask that question the true motive? My geography's as lousy as the idiots' in this movie; am I as ugly an American? I need to see it again, and if Roth puts more gore on the DVD, he'll be my new hero. It's made decent scratch at the box office so far, and even Entertainment Weekly grudgingly admired its prescient scare tactics, as Glieberman and crew all the while continue to look down their greasy, populist-fascist noses when confronted with solid genre entertainment. I hope it causes a sensation with the kids and makes a kazillion bones... although the inevitable knock-offs starring WB rejects would be hard to take. Seriously, for my taste, this movie's way, way better than "Blair Witch." A fine start to cinema in 'o6.

What else is pleasant? This stupid MySpace haircut awards is funny, although I have to admit I find NoWhere Girl's 'do fairly attractive. Then there's those block rockin' beats from Big Hit Buda and his almost-novelty-hit "We Da Bears". If only the Panthers hadn't won on Sunday, this joint would have been lighting up all the local morning DJ shows, I'm sure. I particularly like how he assumes you know he misspells "buddha" when he shouts out the Web site at the end. Finally: a taste of the impending Katatonia album (due in March, naturally). The single due next month's called "My Twin," and they've had half of that on their MySpace and home pages for a while. But some enterprising types - actually, they're Russians, the undisputed kings of debauched metal mp3 gratification - put up a whole song entitled "July" on this page. Of course I love it, even the promo voice-over. I'm gonna burn a copy just to have this version. And if there were any doubt that this band has a direct conduit into what's going on in my life whenever they release a record, this one's called "The Great Cold Distance".

Look back in languor

So, new blogger yeti betty (hiya!) insinuated that I had filled out one of these year-end survey thingies. I don't want her to be untruthful, so for the first time in world history, I join a bloggers' trend. A look back at 2005:

1. What did you do in 2005 that you’d never done before?

Travel alone internationally.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I did, and I already have.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Nope, unless it was a secret birth.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, unless you count Mitch Hedberg. No one I knew personally, thankfully.

5. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?

An unselfish, intelligent, witty, complex and somewhat mentally stable girlfriend.

6. What countries did you visit?

The U.S.A. and Canada.

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

April 15... the first time I was dumped in nine years. It was also "Tax Day" and, according to the calendar in the then-new Fantômas album, "That Sucks Day" (followed on the 16th by - of course - "Rekindle Your Romantic Self Day").

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Finding and buying a lovely condominium and moving into it.

9. What was your biggest failure?

To read the proverbial writing on the wall, time and time again.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing physical.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A condo.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My parents, without whom none of my plans would have happened.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Oh, don't make me name names. You can probably figure that one out.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Gas, car repairs, women, smokes, booze, CDs, concerts and a down payment.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Several ill-fated love interests, new work opportunities, seeing Agalloch live.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?

"Cassandra Geminni" by The Mars Volta - all 31 minutes of it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Exactly the same, actually. Just slightly less hopeful.
ii. thinner or fatter? Oh, definitely fatter.
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer indeed.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Enjoying the moment.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Thinking.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Hopefully in a coma, to be revived on Dec. 26.

21. Did you fall in love in 2005?

I actually came close, but as we all know, for you to be "in love" means not only that love is something located outside of you, but that someone else is there with you. So, no.

22. How many one-night stands?

Never had 'em, never will.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

A four-way tie: "Deadwood," "Aqua Teen Hunger Force," "Six Feet Under" and "The Shield."

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Hate is far too strong a word. Suffice it to say my short list of people who I wish to never see again has unfortunately lengthened.

25. What was the best book you read?

"Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" by J.K. Rowling.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

The Meads of Asphodel.

27. What did you want and get?

This is a vague question... I got most of the assorted material items I wanted, I suppose.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

"Sin City"

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you (optional)?

The day I turned 30, I woke up to an astounding voice mail from a certain young lady verbalizing something I'd wanted to hear from her for most of the 4+ years I'd known her. Went out to breakfast with my parents. Rode in Dad's new Mustang. Burned some CDs. Confirmed that my ears didn't deceive me regarding that voice mail. Hung out at Casa de Brice/Pingitore/Kalivoda. Drank some beers. Probably watched something sleazy. Went to bed surrounded by balloons and, briefly, very happy.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not getting rear-ended and missing the Eels show.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?

Aging metalhead meets hygienic slacker.

34. What kept you sane?

St. John's Wort and other herbal supplements.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I prefer to "fancy the most" women I actually know, but for runners-up among the semi-famous I'll nominate Kate Winslet, Floor Jansen, Sarah Vowell, Devon Aoki, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Misty Mundae, Björk Gudmundsdóttir, Pink, Sarah Silverman, Meiju Enho, Julia Stiles, Catherine Keener, Missy Suicide, Cyndi Lauper, Jeanne Tripplehorn and Natalie Portman (post-head shaving only).

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Probably the severe undertrooping of our political puppet initiative in Iraq and the subsequent endless tours of duty it has awarded those families unfortunate enough to be involved in the U.S. military. The national bipartisan video game scare, so eerily reminiscent of Tipper Gore's ignorant anti-music smears from the '80s, comes a close second.

37. Whom did you miss?

Friends and family who live far away, those ladies who ultimately deemed me inconvenient to their bustling lifestyles, Orphaned Land at ProgPower USA VI.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

I guess I met some cool people at Day of the Equinox, but didn't establish post-concert communication.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:

You can't change anyone's mind but your own, and you would do well to remind yourself of that.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"Look another year went by, they keep passing by
God damn I didn't even die
Too old and slow I've grown, well I fought time but lost
To criticize and judge, how did I end up here?
With these standards I'm forced to love, make me disappear..."
[Dredg, "Matroshka (The Ornament)"]

Billy Ocean, where are you when we need you?

Augh, what a week. Grey, cold, forbidding weather and general malaise have got me down, my complexion is rebelling and I haven't felt awake since last year. More major work on the car today - it took four hours. Everywhere I go, they're playing '80s Springsteen. To think, I could be on the East Coast seeing Finntroll this weekend, or at least the Arsis ballet. Bah. Only something weird or awful can make me feel less lousy at this point.

Something Weird: Now that I control the TV, I'm that "what I want to watch, when I want to watch it" guy in the Comcast OnDemand commercials. "The Aviator," widescreen, for free, without having to rent or mail a DVD? That's technology at work. I've already watched a bunch of music videos and dating profiles (pure hilarity), all of "Six Feet Under" season two and "Curb Your Enthusiasm" season five, a bland Canadian documentary on early hip-hop and, out of curiosity, some glitzy Logo show about hot music for GLBTs. (I assumed it would be all lame dance music and bland rock. I was mostly correct, but at least it had a Sleater-Kinney video.) The greatest option is a recent OnDemand addition, Mike Vraney opening the insanely deep vaults of Something Weird Video for mass consumption. Having been a SWV customer since before they were pressing DVDs, this warms my heart. Right now it's mostly educational shorts, burlesque loops and atomic scare films, but I know what Vraney's hoarding. Someday, the average American will be able to call up "The Sinful Dwarf", "Hallucinations of a Deranged Mind" or "Psyched By the 4-D Witch" with the push of a button. Who says humanity already peaked?

Something Awful: This site isn't all so hot (lots of video game and insular internet content that I don't care about), but there are two excellent sections that provide lots of fun reading. The first is the infamous Your Band Sucks wing, which hurls eggs at all sorts of musical icons with precise, sarcastic equanimity. I even like the ones making fun of bands I like, such as They Might Be Giants or The Mars Volta, and the genre bashings are particularly great. But even better is The Horrors of Pornography, humorous reviews of some of the most unerotic raincoat pictures available, many of them naturally being Japanese fetish epics. My general impression of modern "adult titles" is they're as gross and humiliating as possible, as if today's hetero males simply prefer a bunch of spitting and retching and crying to boring old sex with a lady. They're special cases here, but these reviews confirm all I need to know, and it's nice to know someone else thinks this shit's as ludicrous as I do. However, Geist is wrong to assume the infamous "Café Flesh" was intended as a regular porn movie. Everybody knows the hardcore scenes were demanded by mob producers against the wishes of the filmmakers (among them Jerry Stahl, later played by Ben Stiller in "Permanent Midnight"). Those meat shots were intentionally unappealing in defiance of industry expectations, as opposed to the bizarre or nauseating stuff in the other movies covered.

Something musical: Ah, good clean anti-Commie metal. I got a pretty good instrumental demo by a Norwegian band called Naglfar a while back, and out of curiosity I looked them up on the web. Seems they only recorded two more songs after that demo, one some joke song at a live show. The other one, a lo-lo-fi studio job called "Burn To Return" (it might be "Born To Return," as it says on their site) is some sort of tribute to Rambo, complete with samples and incorporation of his theme music. I can't vouch for the political nature of this track, but as far as the song goes, I haven't heard something this whacked since Mindrot's sludged-up cover of "The A-Team" theme.