RECIPE #1: "Sin City" Breakfast Tacos

HEY! HEY! HEY! Sorry, I got so used to chanting and pumping my beer in the air last weekend, I'm not sure I'm back to reality yet. Watch this space for a full run-down on Heathen Crusade II, coming soon.

First, last weekend's playlist for car travel, in listening order: Bal-Sagoth's The Chthonic Chronicles, Skyforger's Pērkonkalve, Man Man's Six Demon Bag, Disillusion's Back to Times of Splendor, Goblin's Gamma, Fleurety's Black Snow, Bloc Party's A Weekend in the City, Týr's Ragnarok, Rotting Christ's Theogonia, Diablo Swing Orchestra's The Butcher's Ballroom, Iron & Wine's The Sea & the Rhythm, Aesop Rock's Fast Cars, Danger, Fire and Knives, Early Man's self-titled EP, Mr. Lif's Emergency Rations, the soundtrack comp Stereophonic Musical Listenings That Have Been Origin in Moving Film "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan", Joanna Newsom's Ys, Unseenmachine's Harmonically Carved Structures, Gwynbleidd's Amaranthine, Dredg's El Cielo and Islands' Return to the Sea. Yes, one of the upsides of traveling alone is that no one else has veto power while you subject the CD player to your whims.

Second, as this post's title proclaims, I would like to describe my experience with the first recipe of the year. Kyle suggested I try the recipe for puerco pibil that filmmaker extraordinaire Robert Rodriguez offers as one of the extras on the "Once Upon a Time in Mexico" DVD. That is indeed a delicious dish, and I will probably try it at some point. However, this time I went with Rodriguez's recipe on a DVD I actually own, the Special Edition of "Sin City." Here, he runs through a somewhat involved variety of breakfast tacos, a Rodriguez family favorite that was apparently popular on the set. The process for these involves concocting two different fillings, as well as fresh tortillas. At no point does Rodriguez provide a complete list of ingredients, and some of his stated measurements seem off, perhaps in an effort to get the audience to improvise. It's not too tough an endeavor, but even though I only made a half batch (I was the only one eating the finished tacos), it did take a fair amount of time to complete.

We start with the tortillas - a cup of flour, 1/4 tsp. salt, 1/4 tsp. baking powder and 1/8 cup butter combined in a bowl. Here, I met my first challenge. RR claims that when you mix this with your hands, it will loosely clump together, but the amount of butter seemed paltry compared to the powder. I ended up using about 1/4 cup of butter before the ingredients started sticking a bit. Then, you slowly add small amounts of warm water, mixing by hand as you go. This is where the ingredients really bind, as you're basically making paste. Little by little, you mix in some water and remove the clumps until the entire mess is a pasty ball, not too sticky or dry. You knead this for a couple of minutes until it's smooth and elastic, then break it into four or five golf ball-sized nuggets and place them under a warm, damp cloth for about ten to twenty minutes. So far, so good.

From here, you begin the first filling. 1/2 a potato, peeled and chopped, goes into some corn oil on medium heat. Flavor your papas fritas with salt and pepper, fry them until golden and put them on a paper towel to drain. This last bit was kind of tough, as I had eschewed buying tongs and had to make due with a big spoon. You want to preserve the oil, because next you use it to make migas. This is accomplished with a couple of pre-made corn tortillas, chopped up and fried in your potato oil so that they resemble makeshift Fritos. When they're crispy, the strips go onto their own paper towel to drain and get their own shower of salt and pepper.

According to Rodriguez's method, while the migas are frying, you're supposed to be heating a teflon pan or skillet over medium heat, as well as rolling out your flour balls into tortilla shape. This went smoothly, although without a proper pastry board I had to make due with a cutting board - not a problem, as the tortillas didn't get very big. The next step is to prepare your other taco filling, a veggie-based number you can make in the same pan in which you fried the potato and corn tortillas (after you drain the oil). He just says to put diced tomato, onion and jalapeño in the pan, so I was left on my own to determine the measurements. I used one whole pepper, about 1/3 of a medium-sized tomato and a little bit less of an onion, plus a little salt and pepper.

You're supposed to cook this in tandem with your flour tortillas. However, the veggie filling took more time to prepare than the filmmaker allows on the DVD. Each tortilla gets one last roll with the pin before you toss it into the skillet. You cook each side for a few seconds, by which time it should already have a little color, then press down as each side cooks for another one to one and a half minutes. When it bubbles up a bit, you remove it and place it under a towel to preserve the heat. This process requires constant attention, and cannot be done easily while chopping tomatoes. I suggest making the tortillas first - they stay warm pretty well under the towel.

Anyway, now that everything's basically cooked, you come to the final step of any worthy breakfast taco, the eggs. The DVD shows Rodriguez mixing his eggs with a splash of milk before dumping them in the pan, but as someone who has already mastered scrambled eggs, I skipped that step. As far as I know, you only put milk in scrambled eggs for texture and to mute the eggy flavor, whereas here, you're really just using the eggs to hold your other ingredients together. (This is just my preference - use milk if you like it.) Rodriguez makes two fillings by frying three eggs with the potatoes and migas, then another three eggs with the veggie mixture. Since I had halved the recipe, I used three eggs in total, and then took the ultimate liberty by using all the ingredients rather than splitting them up. The potatoes and migas went into the pan with the veggies, over which I cracked the eggs, making sure the yolks broke. When the eggs began to set, I shoved the cooked pieces to the side and let the runny stuff slide to the surface of the pan. Once your filling is cooked - whether you make separate batches or my preferred "kitchen sink" variety - you simply distribute it to your tortillas and chow down.

The first run-through of the "Sin City" Breakfast Tacos was a hit with the cook. The filling was delicious, and I'm glad I decided to combine all the ingredients in one, as the egg/potato/migas one sounds awfully starchy on its own. Speaking of which, the one drawback was that my tortillas came out somewhere between a pita and flatbread, and were a little too chewy for my taste. Rodriguez shows his tortillas as being thicker than what you typically think of, but I should have rolled mine a bit more - I think I let the batter stand too long while I chopped the veggies. Next time, I will be more attentive to the rolling process and only add the recommended amount of butter to the batter, as that also may have been a factor. Finally, the crispy migas turned soft when cooked with the eggs, so to help the texture, for the next batch I'll leave those alone until the tortillas are being filled.

Postcards from the ledge

Bueno! Here were some of the highlights of this week's vacation:

-Saturday involved a day trip to Indiana. This was a family deal, my cousin's daughter's seventh birthday party. Mom insisted on driving, so I got to look out the window and listen to "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!" The Midwest is boring when you're driving, but it's worse when you're not. As soon as the NPR signal faded, I suggested we throw in the copy of the new Bloc Party I had made for my cousin at Xmas, but which he had forgotten and we were bringing to him at the party. It was the only CD we had for the trip - I thought Mom would have hers, she forgot to bring them. It was all good, because, holy shit, that album is amazing. On the drive home, we stuck with oldies channels, but the guitar riff from "Hunting for Witches" kept drowning out ? and the Mysterians in my head. For the love of all that's holy, people, get that record when it comes out next month. I'm buying it as soon as possible, but tiding myself over with a crappy leaked version and the free live set NPR posted (if you think that's awesome, you can also get full sets from Man Man and The Fiery Furnaces if you go here). Oh, and the birthday party? It was fun - I got to see two of my cousins and the kids didn't whack me in the bathing suit area, as they are wont to do. Birthday girl Sara performed a number of dance routines to the music of the Cheetah Girls, who were not as as upsetting to me as I had assumed they would be. She made up for this with a redeemingly cute rendition of a horrifying song for which we can directly thank every "American Idol" fan: Carrie Underwood's "Jesus, Take the Wheel." Man, I thought Toby Keith was scary.

-Sunday, me and The Wiz caught a matinee of the new Guillermo del Toro joint, "El Laberinto del Fauno," released here as "Pan's Labyrinth." For some reason, one of the local megaplexes had it showing on two screens, odd but welcome treatment for a subtitled Spanish film. I generally like del Toro's movies. Okay, "Mimic" was absolute shit and "Cronos" was unsatisfying, but it was creative. "El Espinazo del Diablo," on the other hand, is more visually and emotionally powerful than a dozen cheapjack Japanese onryō shockers, and "Blade II" is the only stylish-vampires-in-trenchcoats movie of the past half-decade that's worth sitting through. This new flick is my new favorite of his, but since it's a current release, I would feel bad if I ruined its simple but satisfying charms for those who have not seen it. I'll tell you no more than to not expect a straightforward fantasy film, despite what the marketing may lead you to believe. Then again, anyone else out there who enjoyed "MirrorMask" despite its awful smooth jazz score should like this as well. My only complaint? The IMDB says the UK version is seven minutes longer... what the hell?

-Monday's snow storm complicated the drive to Mokena, but tangling with the salty smears on my windshield was no match for the epic struggle in which I would find myself just hours later. Locals Withering Soul were playing when I entered the Pearl Room. A couple of years ago, I saw these guys while on a date and wasn't impressed, but they've since ditched the keyboard player (I'm guessing she broke up with whoever in the band she was dating) and gone for a more guitar-oriented sort of Norsecore, which helps mask some of the obvious Cradle/Dimmu influences. The rest of the show, the touring portion, was a showcase for Candlelight Records. The Euro label, once known as the early home of pioneers Emperor and Opeth, has really stepped up the past few years - opening an American office, signing a crapheap of generally good bands and putting them on the road. (Speaking of which, the reunited Emperor attempts to make up for their only Chicago show, a shitty-sounding clusterfuck at the Congress Theatre back in 1999, on May 30. Tickets will go fast.) The young'uns stuck on this black metal bill, Arizona's Abigail Williams, were nothing special, but certainly didn't deserve the rude treatment they got from the crowd. Sure, they were pretty "metalcore" in presentation, but the riffs were decent and they had the sense to stick their cute keyboard player up front. Nonetheless, I wasn't sad to see them end their set early, making room for the mighty Enslaved. This was my fourth time seeing the Viking lords, but considering that the previous time was a 20-minute slot at the last good Milwaukee Metalfest, I was very excited. Just as they started, I got a new beer, lit a smoke and settled in as they opened with "Path to Vanir"... then all hell broke loose around me. I'm used to predicting and navigating pits, but this one caught me by surprise. First, I got blindsided and lost my can of beer. Just as I spotted it, I was suddenly on the floor, on top of some other dude, and I think someone was on me. I had two immediate goals: don't drop the smoke, and retrieve the beer before any more spilled out. I was grabbing for it, thinking about how I was about to get my hand broken, when someone hoisted me up from the twitching, beer-soaked body under me. I was about to lunge for the can again when someone kicked it. I instinctively leaned back and went to the rear of the pit, lamenting my poor cheap brew but pleased to notice that during all of that, the cigarette was still intact, burning and in my mouth. Later on, I think it was during "Jotunblod," some aging Nazi dude elbowed me squarely in the chest. I can still feel it days later. But, hey, Enslaved was AWESOME. I only stayed for five songs of Dark Funeral, who were wearing hilarious fake armor and got monotonous real quickly. Rather than buying yet another beer in an attempt to completely dull my brain, I gave up, bought the second Enslaved DVD and went home.

-Tuesday, I ran out to get a new a hoodie at the Target by my parents' house, since the selection at the one by me was shit. I don't know much about this "Mossimo." I assume it's some guy's name. No iconless company would be so arrogant as to make such shitty clothes. I've seen his logo emblazoned on the clothing of over-cologned jackasses for I don't know how long; by purchasing Mossimo's product at Target, I did so hoping it was hilariously out of fashion. All I know is that the nice brown hoodie he manufactured and Target sold me was way smaller than any 2XL-sized item I've ever experienced. I have some European-made XL metal t-shirts that are understandably snugger than something you'd buy here, but this shitbag Mossimo obviously doesn't know who he's selling to in the Midwestern United States. Eat a dick, Mossimo! Anyway, in the evening, my buddies Ed and Robin invited me to see this guitarist guy they've been raving about for a while. Having no reason to get up early the next day and no other plans, I decided to take them up on the offer. I ended up not even having to drive or pay the cover. (Thanks again!) So, the Andreas Kapsalis Trio plays every Tuesday at the Tonic Room on Halsted. It's one guy with an acoustic guitar, plus two percussionists with interesting Frankenkits. Not knowing much about such things, I would place Kapsalis' style somewhere between jazz and world fusion. His style is extremely busy and dextrous - he's usually playing with all ten fingers. often using a few of them to tap out complementary percussion. When these guys get cooking, it's absolutely mesmerizing. And wonderfully loud. Those of you in or near Chi-town with no need to rise early on a Wednesday, check the Trio out. Afterward, you can do as I did and relive my long-gone college days: stroll up the street for a junior burrito at Taco Burrito Palace #2. It's totally remodeled inside, but as good for soaking up $3 whiskey as ever.

-Wednesday was kind of a wash. I was planning to meet up with my buddy Andy in the evening for dinner and some movie. So, I was going to use the afternoon to exchange the useless Mossimo hoodie, use up my Best Buy gift card from Xmas, pick up a griddle and assemble items for my first monthly food attempt. I was just about to leave when Andy called, saying he decided to leave work after half a day and was just going to come over now. I told him I was just leaving to run a bunch of errands. He wanted me to wait for him. So, I did some laundry and ended up getting sucked into an insane episode of "Maury" that was entitled "Is My Boyfriend Cheating On Me Because I Have Only One Leg?" I recently discovered I love those daytime judge shows, and of the talk shows still standing, I'll take the ugly ones. This sort of programming used to annoy me in the years before prime time reality TV set a new standard for horribly-edited voyeuristic tedium. Now, it's really amusing to me to see bad liars get their asses handed to them by sassy-yet-compassionate nonwhite judges. I especially like "Divorce Court" - that show used to depress me ("How could two people love each other and then treat each other like this?"), but now that I'm sufficiently jaded about the whole relationship thing, I think it's hilarious ("Ha, ha, look at how these childish assholes are treating each other!"). But as my buddy the Wiz has pointed out to me, Maury Povich's show is the place to go for sleazeballs treating each other like scum. Most talk shows would only squeeze in three or four tales of infidelity, but Maury had a marathon of lie detector tests that totaled six or seven people fucking and/or getting knocked up by some toothless loser who's not paying their bills. I made Andy watch the rest of "Maury" after he showed up, despite his complaints... hey, I wouldn't have started watching it if he hadn't delayed me. He came with me on my errands and we got dinner, but then he got some sort of mysterious ailment and decided to cancel on the movie. So, I just went home and cheesed. Like I said, kind of a wash.

-I had originally planned to drive up to Minnesota yesterday, but since no one is coming with me, I changed my hotel reservation to a Friday check-in (the Crusade doesn't start until 7 p.m.) and I took the whole of Thursday to get my oil changed, secure some last-minute trip supplies, meet mom and dad for a little dinner and hang with the Wiz. He had taped Stephen Colbert's appearance on "The O'Reilly Factor," part of the "anchor exchange" that also saw Bill O'Reilly as Colbert's guest on Thursday's edition of "The Colbert Report." I don't write much about TV on this blog, but I have to say I think Colbert's show is my favorite on the tube right now - the writing is consistently sharp, and despite long breaks, it runs four new episodes a week. While "The Daily Show" lampoons the old model of television journalism, "Colbert" pokes a hole in the personality-driven ego-fests that pass for news programming on cable today. The most egregious perp of this phenomenon is smug conservative O'Reilly, who, like our president or a few of the girls I've tried to date in recent memory, somehow survives by simply ignoring everything that's going on outside of his own head. Colbert claims O'Reilly as his biggest influence - this, like most of the things he says in character, is a criticism veiled as a compliment. I could swear that "Papa Bear" O'Reilly was a "Report" guest during its infancy, but I may be wrong since Colbert was trumpeting the appearance for the last week. On Thursday, both men were true to form: O'Reilly was his usual bitchy fuddy-dud self, and Colbert layered on the barbed obsequeity. The funniest part of the whole thing was the "analysis" Bill held after talking with Stephen, wherein he and two of his stuffy yes-folk dismissed "The Colbert Report" as well as "The Daily Show" as the product of cynical young minds who are considered edgy only because they're sarcastic. At no point did they acknowledge that both shows attack the format and conventions of TV news as often as the events themselves, thus proving that either they don't get it, ot they're scared to admit that they do. Verdict: Colbert, obviously. Oh, I also cooked my first recipe of the year Thursday morning, with generally pleasing results... more on that after the trip. Speaking of which, I'm outta here.

Swords in the wind

I don't know how many other U.S. news sources covered it, but when NPR host Melissa Block had to report on Finnish "monster metal" goofs Lordi winning the Eurovision song contest last year, you could hear her eyebrows raising over the radio. With a predictable "oh, brother, get a load of this" tone, Block certainly lived up to the stereotype of how mass media sources are supposed to regard heavy metal. But let me tell you, if anyone in the media elite removed their nose from the cocaine for a minute and got a good look at things, they would understand that today, metal is truly a global institution. (I'm not saying Melissa Block is a cokehead, but she needs to lay off the smooth jazz.)

One week from now, I hoist the sail and set course for the verdant shores of St. Paul, MN, where eighteen international bands will gather to display their unique visions of heavy metal for the stinky melting pot of America. None are huge stars, even in the metal world. I was already MySpace friends with two of them before I even saw the lineup. Eight are flying from other continents. Ten have never played in the United States before. Seriously, this is my jam.


If you were reading this blog last year, you know that the Heathen Crusade began as a one-day, ten-band gig in January 2006. Three well-regarded European metal bands with pronounced cultural elements headlined, while the rest of the bill featured North American acts playing black, doom, gothic neo-folk and warrior-themed melodic death, i.e. other stuff that conjures images of snow-shrouded forests and battling ancient ancestors. I was shocked that so many people showed up... this type of stuff isn't ultra-obscure if you follow metal, but you never see people wearing the t-shirts. Everyone's heard Bathory's Viking records, but the scores of metal bands that strive to work native melodies, rhythms, instruments, languages and myths into their music are largely just cult acts in the United States.

That's too bad, because what I like to call the "ethnic metal" movement is the most exciting thing to happen to heavy metal in a long time. It's certainly kept me involved in these commercially-booming but creatively-challenged days. Despite the "Viking" tag often assigned to pagan bands with swords on their album covers, it's not just happening in Scandinavia. Heathen Crusade II does have representatives from Norway and Sweden, but others hail from Latvia, the United Kingdom, Singapore, Ireland, Lithuania, Portugal and Canada. And this is just the tip of the fjord.

In honor of the festival, its organizers, its performers and every drop of blood ever spilled during an effort to decimate native cultures in the name of "progress," I dedicate the current playlist. The first four bands are playing this year's Heathen Crusade, the following three were last year's headliners. Consider the rest a crash course in ethnic metal past and present, with preference given to personal favorites.

1. Skyforger: "Kauja Garozas Silâ. 1287." (Kauja Pie Saules, Mascot, 1998, Latvia) - I've already told the tale of how I became acquainted with these dudes on my MySpace blog, but since then I've delved deeper into the catalog. Skyforger's debut, the title of which translates to "The Battle of Saule," is the most "black metal" of the bunch, and it's packed with cool riffs tremolo-picked to resemble buzzing Balkan folk tunes. Whereas many of today's revered pagan metal acts from the former Eastern Bloc are merely using the genre as a vehicle to promote esoteric racism, Skyforger keeps it real, sticking with Latvian history and legends in lieu of ulterior motives. Setting the mood perfectly for an event called the Heathen Crusade, the lyrics of this song describe the bloody final victory of the pagan Semigallians over German crusaders in the Garoza Forest (translation available here). It's got the loping rhythm typically associated with Viking metal, but so much more as well. I love the flute melody at the beginning... listen through to the end to hear it done black metal style.

2. Månegarm: "Det Sargade Landet" (Ur Nattvindar, self-released, 1997, Sweden) - Way back in the '90s, Månegarm was one of the first folk/black metal bands I ever heard. To this day, I believe their debut, Nordstjärnans Tidsålder, remains one of the finest examples of the genre. Despite its thin recording, the songs are well-paced and memorable, with piano and fiddle lending extra layers of deciduous melody. This song is the only one to make it from 1997's Ur Nattvindar demo to the debut, and thanks to the remastered compilation Vargaresa - The Beginning, the demo recording sounds even better than the album version. The title translates to "The Lacerated Country," and the words are your basic "this used to be a land of natural beauty and warrior pride" deal. Like Skyforger, Månegarm has gone for a more '80s heavy metal vibe in recent years, cooling the blasting and recording an acoustic EP. They're still pretty cool, but the early shit is absolutely riveting. I mean, dig that thunder sound effect at the start!

3. Rudra: "The Pathless Path to the Knowable Unknown" (Brahmavidya: Primordial I, Demonzend, 2005, Singapore) - Now, here's something interesting: a band from Singapore devoted to "Vedic metal." To me, they sound like an amalgam of Nile and Melechesh, meaning black/death/thrash with Middle Eastern elements. Not your typical anti-Christian lyricists, they instead focus on pre-Hindu/pre-Buddhist philosophy. This is one of the most impressive tunes from their most recent album, where you can really hear the blend of Indian classical ideas with extreme metal, a raging raga which at its midpoint becomes a heavily percussive attack worthy of Absu. Rudra seems like a smart bunch of guys, but having recently heard them for the first time, I'm not really able to give you a ton of insight. I can tell you this much: the album that got them noticed internationally was called The Aryan Crusade, and it has nothing to do with white people. I hope some ignorant Nazi fucker gave them money for it by accident.

4. The Lord Weird Slough Feg: "Warrior's Dawn" (Down Among the Deadmen, Dragonheart, 2000, United States) - Not your average "folk metal" band, these guys have been a cult favorite among the denim-n-leather '80s nostalgia crowd for some time. Vocalist/guitarist Mike Scalzi allegedly named the band after a villain from a British comic book inspired by Celtic mythology. Ever since Phil Lynott dazzled teen heshers in the '70s, guitar riffs inspired by Celtic melodies have been a metal staple, and Slough Feg frequently revels in the Thin Lizzy influence. But more overwhelmingly, they combine the scrappy NWOBHM energy of Iron Maiden's pub days with the manic-depressive, theatrical weirdness of Brocas Helm, fellow San Franciscans to whom they are frequently compared. Finally, there's a bit of Manowar in their bare-chested atavism, although Slough Feg celebrates myths and battles and other manly things with the sharp wit of Bay Area intellectuals. "Warrior's Dawn" is not only a good example of what they do, it's one of very few metal songs I can think of that is performed by Americans and contains lyrics evoking long-ago America (albeit from the perspective of Native Americans). That makes it as good an example of American folk metal as any.

5. Moonsorrow: "Kylän Päässä" (Voimasta Ja Kunniasta, Spikefarm, 2001, Finland) - Last year's Heathen Crusade concluded with Moonsorrow, an appropriate choice for headliner as these dudes are one of the most respected folk metal bands on the planet. They're not as accessible as their more famous sister band Finntroll, in which Moonsorrow keyboardist Henri Sorvali also plays. Both utilize traditional Finnish melodies and employ an amplified version of humppa, which is what the Finns call the jaunty dance music you might know as polka, oom-pah or banda. But whereas Finntroll frequently goes for a goofy beerhall punk sound, Moonsorrow often lives up to their moniker by painting a more nocturnal, melancholy portrait. "Kylän Päässä" ("A Village Away") is not as somber, refined or cinematic as the more recent Moonsorrow material, but it's one of my favorites. This earlier number, a folk tale about warring brothers and losing sight of your roots from their second LP, went down particularly well live due to its strong opening march rhythm, the wicked hoedown that begins about 3:20 in and its blasting black metal coup de grâce, culminating in handclaps and gang shouts and drunken revelry all around. Here's hoping some kindly Heathen Crusade vendor has a copy of Viides Luku - Hävitetty waiting for me.

6. Primordial: "Sons of the Morrigan" (Storm Before Calm, Hammerheart, 2002, Ireland) - Like I said before, Celtic influences are rampant in metal at large, yet strangely there aren't a ton of bands from Ireland using them. Primordial is perhaps the oldest and certainly the best, and I would go so far as to say they're the best metal band from Ireland I know. Grafting the downtrodden sprechgesang of My Dying Bride and the expansive flow of Opeth to a cultural identity that oozes from every fuzzy crevice of their sound, the result is an emotionally and intellectually powerful ride that directly challenges modern attitudes about heritage and tradition. One of their most Irish-sounding numbers, "Sons of the Morrigan" thrives on A.A. Nemtheanga's typically strong lyrics about a warrior consigning his spirit to the Gods and his legend to the memory of all, as well as Simon O'Laoghaire's percolating rhythms. These guys were the highlight of the last Heathen Crusade for me, and I'm looking forward to their countrymates Mael Mórdha this year - "Gaelic doom metal" sounds cool to me.

7. Thyrfing: "Digerdöden" (Vansinnesvisor, Hammerheart, 2002, Sweden) - Probably the most emblematic Viking metal band working today, Thyrfing is also one of the most forward-thinking veteran groups to carry that banner. They haven't avoided the trappings of the genre as the mighty Enslaved has, but rather embraced and explored them. Vansinnesvisor ("Songs of Madness") marked a definitive change for the band, who suddenly eschewed the often-jolly keyboards that fancified their first three albums and went for a darker, grittier, meatier sound. In turn, the songwriting became far more expansive and unique from track to track. About a minute and a half into "Digerdöden" ("The Black Death"), they switch from a midpaced seafaring tempo to a prototypically bouncy Viking metal trudge, the downtuned chug evoking the effort of swinging a battle axe crusted with mud and bloody skull fragments. When the choir begins, it's almost a mail-clad work song. Thyrfing was excellent live at last year's Heathen Crusade. I would love to see them at one of those huge Euro festivals; the crowd would probably be going apeshit pounding fists and steins.

8. Amorphis: "My Kantele" (Elegy, Relapse, 1996, Finland) - Amorphis was the first metal band with folk influences that I ever got heavily into, and the Elegy record was a big part of that. It's among my personal top ten albums of all time, actually. It's the very definition of what I call a "transition album," one where a band changing its sound retains the core elements of its early work while mapping out what would follow. Elegy was the apex, the point where midpaced melodic death metal, Finnish traditions, progressive clean vocals, bong-rock synthesizers and sweeping orchestration congealed into a brilliantly engaging and memorable whole. Guitarist Tomi Koivusaari is still doing his whispery death growl from the earlier albums, but they also have Pasi Koskinen doing clean singing. (Koskinen became Amorphis' only singer after Elegy, yet had side projects where he did nothing but growl... it was weird.) Released as a single in an acoustic version, "My Kantele" is about the Finnish instrument called the kantele, sort of like a zither and not actually heard in either version of the song. The lyrics are inspired by the national epic the Kanteletar, as was the entirely of Elegy. After gradually turning into a weird combination of alternative hard rock and '70s prog worship, Amorphis snapped back into metal shape in 2006 with the obviously Elegy-style Eclipse, which doesn't reach the heights of the earlier triumph but is still an addictive listen. Remember my brief review?

9. Falconer: "We Sold Our Homesteads" (Chapters From a Vale Forlorn, Metal Blade, 2002, Sweden) - Recent years have seen national identity crossing into power metal alongside the more extreme subgenres, and naturally most of my favorite newer power metal bands have some sort of ethnic influence. Aside from an awesome name, Falconer's got a lot going for them, first and foremost guitarist and songwriter Stefan Weinerhall, who made his name with sorely-missed Viking black metallers Mithotyn. This dude writes melodic riffs that shred and dance all over the place, although that is not in evidence on this lament about immigration, an adapation of a traditional Swedish folk song. The translation was done by vocalist Mathias Blad, Falconer's other trump card. Blad's a musical theater actor, not a metal guy, and thus he sounds nothing like any other metal singer on the planet. His clear and emotive voice gives Falconer an unforced aristocratic edge, which juxtaposes nicely with the band's tales of despotic castle intrigue and underclass woe, genuinely addressing current concerns through a historical lens. Falconer doesn't get enough credit for their social conscience, which is less murky than that of many other pagan metal bands. Blad left Falconer once the band started touring due to his theatrical commitments, but he got back on board for 2006's spectacular Northwind. Oh, I do hope they tour here now.

10. Skyclad: "On With Their Heads!" (Vintage Whine, Massacre, 1999, United Kingdom) - When speaking of folk metal with a social conscience, one cannot neglect to mention Skyclad. Formed by former members of NWOBHM culties Satan and pagan thrashers Sabbat, Skyclad perfected the fiddle-mosh in the early '90s and never looked back. Unfortunately, during their golden years they were signed to such labels as Noise and Massacre, who were (and are) shit as far as U.S. distribution goes, and thus Skyclad remained hidden to all but those of us nerds who used mail order to get the good stuff. A relatively late-career record, Vintage Whine is an overlooked gem that contains all the band's hallmarks: shout-along jigs, pensive ballads, catchy pub rock and dozens of clever puns and turns of phrase by charismatic ideologue Martin Walkyier. Coincidentally, it's a pretty good break-up album, too, as Martin wrote an atypical load of bitter lyrics about busted relationships for this one. Equally vehement, the track at hand has him barking out a list of all the exploitative fuckers he wants to destroy over a galloping tune more energetic than you'd expect from a bunch of geezers. Skyclad has carried on without Walkyier for a few years (he left in 2001), but it's just not the same.

11. Týr: "Ólavur Riddararós" (Eric the Red, Tutl, 2003, Faroe Islands) - Yes, a metal band from the fucking FAROE ISLANDS. Yes, I had to look up where that is - an autonomous region of Denmark about halfway between Iceland and Norway. Týr plays a sort of progressive traditional metal that isn't completely bizarre, but also doesn't sound like anything else out there. According to the band, Faroese music is naturally played in an aggressive manner in odd time signatures, which translates well to what they do. Of course, the occasional adapation of traditional Faroese songs such as "Ólavur Riddararós" doesn't hurt their originality, either. The lyrics of this one tell of a warrior who informs his elven mistress that he must leave her and is subsequently poisoned. From the stout choir to the surprisingly wild guitar soloing, this is a Viking metal tune that satisfies the need for rocking heft while exploring previously uncharted territory. Last year, Napalm Records picked up Eric the Red for reissue, and then put out Týr's very well-received new record Ragnarok a few months later. These guys have a long career ahead of them, and they would be a great choice for next year's Heathen Crusade.

12. Ensiferum: "Into Battle" (Iron, Spinefarm, 2004, Finland) - Here's a band that shows the influence of Viking metal more than embodying it. Ensiferum is essentally a power metal band with keyboards and occasional extreme vocals, not a million miles away from the style of countrymates like Kalmah or early Children of Bodom. The main difference is that a lot of their riffs are folky, their lyrics are generic Northern warrior stuff and they dress like Vikings. The result is a more superficial spin on popular tropes that is pretty damned enjoyable in its own right, while giving evidence that Viking metal is a definable style that can have its hallmarks adapted for the masses (for more evidence, see ex-Ensiferum frontman Jari Mäenpää's even more culturally vague current project Wintersun). The title of the rousing "Into Battle," from the band's second album, really says all that needs to be said. I should point out that the lyrics say the narrating warriors are sending their enemies "straight to Hell," which suggests a stronger influence from Manowar than from, say, Scandinavian pagan history. I should also point out that their keyboardist, Meiju Enho, once replaced Henri Sorvali on tour with Finntroll, and may possibly be the most beautiful woman in all of heavy metal today.

13. Himinbjorg: "The Eternal" (Haunted Shores, Red Stream, 2002, France) - I've written about this French pagan band named after Heimdall's hall before, but that was their earlier Viking black metal stuff. While very enjoyable, Himinbjorg was more derivative at its inception. Later, the dudes decided to follow Enslaved and, well, no one else down the heathen path of psychedelia. This track is my favorite from the much-bashed Haunted Shores LP, the point at which the mushrooms really kicked in and the headbanging hordes found themselves confused about this hazy, moody, mushy record. It often evokes Pink Floyd, Isis and mid-period Tiamat, along with the previously mentioned Enslaved at their most blissful and bonged-out. Shores would have gone over better had it been marketed to the "indie metal" crowd rather than the Satan-loving underground heshers who actually had awareness of it. "The Eternal" builds such a capable aura of elemental Norman gloom that when it starts thrashing and blasting at the end, it's like a looming cloud has ripped open and rained down a maelstrom of chants and screams and buzzsaw guitars. Plus, you can never go wrong with the robot voice. You can now buy Haunted Shores on one CD with Himinbjorg's immediately-prior Third EP, encapsulating the band's two most experimental releases. I think it's a good deal.

14. Orphaned Land: "The Kiss of Babylon (The Sins)" (Mabool: The Story of Three Sons of Seven, Century Media, 2004, Israel) - Orphaned Land's third LP came out seven years after their second. They had been signed to Century Media for more than half a decade before it was ready. Not that orchestrating its stunning array of instruments, voices, languages, emotions and approaches wouldn't be a chore, but, damn. Luckily for them, it is the most impressive metal album that has yet to spring from the Middle East, and it earned enough deserved praise that the band attracted modern prog superstar Steven Wilson to produce its upcoming record. Here, Orphaned Land spread their signature mix of gothic doom/death (a la Paradise Lost) and Middle Eastern music onto a bright prog rock palette. The concept of Mabool is based on the Deluge, a story found in all of today's popular religious texts, including the Bible, the Qu'ran and the Torah. But even more, it's about the convergence of cultures and philosophies. This song, lamenting the evils that would bring on the Great Flood, is one of the most "metal" on the disc. It rocks in a boisterous and catchy manner alongside beautifully tranquil moments provided by stringman Yossi Sassi and guest vocalist Shalomit Levi - she's singing an actual Yemenese chant at the end. This band could be huge over here with the right promotion; they need to get on a hit movie soundtrack or something.

15. Einherjer: "Far Far North" (Far Far North, Century Media, 1997, Norway) - If any metal band has ever been more quintessentially "Viking" than Thyrfing, it was the defunct Norwegian mob Einherjer, named after the souls of slain warriors who will be called to fight alongside Odin at Ragnarok. They were really the first Viking metal band I ever heard, on a great compilation promoting stuff Century Media had licensed under their now-defunct Century Black imprint. All of Einherjer's releases sound a bit different from each other, but the chugging guitar style, thick bass, folk melodies, keyboard pomp and manly Viking choirs were in place for most of them. True to the genre, they recounted tales of battle and Norse mythology. "Far, Far North" is about Hel, who as queen of the underworld is naturally a bit of a celebrity in Odinist metal. It was the title track of an excellent EP, and is the only song on it with English lyrics. I'm proud to say I got to see Einherjer live twice before they disbanded and turned into the decent thrash act Battered. Both times, they were covered with blood and dirt, as was Thyrfing when I saw them. That is fucking VIKING.

16. TrollfesT: "EssenFest" (Brakebein, Omvina, 2006, Norway) - So famous are those Finntroll guys, they have spawned actual clone bands. Norway's TrollfesT is probably the best (and best-known) of these. After two full-lengths, they really have the formula down, from the screechy vocals and punk rock rhythms to the jolly combination of guitars and accordions. As prescribed, "troll metal" champions the troublemaking creatures of Scandinavian folklore rather than the heroes, and is primarily concerned with excessive drinking and fucking up unsuspecting Christians. TrollfesT's recent Brakebein is one of the most lighthearted concept albums I can think of: the titular troll leads a quest for a legendary beer, which leads Brakebein and his companions to tangle with pirates, priests and a sea monster before realizing the beer they sought was actually back at their forest home. If you think the ska-tinged "EssenFest" sounds like a party tune, you're right. The title means "eating party," and it's the part of the story where the trolls gorge themselves on plundered ale and the meat of the vanquished sea monster. Man, I wish my parties sounded like this. I could never have a bad day if I woke up to this song every morning. Skål!

17. Elvenking: "The Wanderer" (The Winter Wake, AFM, 2006, Italy) - Okay, so Elvenking doesn't really sound very "Italian." Himinbjorg doesn't sound very "French," either, but both bands have a strong cultural angle in their work. I would love to hear Italian folk done metal style, but Elvenking's interest in folk music probably came from listening to Skyclad. Therefore, you primarily get English and Celtic fiddle melodies built into traditional Helloween-influenced power metal, which is fine with me. Whereas most power metal has a Christian tinge to it, these guys are pagan to the core. Furthermore, they follow Skyclad's peaceful Wiccan lyrical slant, so they're not always singing about slaughtering their enemies and whatnot. Elves, fairies and other kind forest folk are frequently found in their songs. That's not to say that Elvenking are sissies. I've been following them since their demo. I can say that all of their records are prodigiously busy and rock pretty hard, even implementing the occasional death metal grunt, while remaining unique due to the relatively untapped power/folk blend. 2006's The Winter Wake, their third, welcomed original vocalist Damnagoras back to the fold, this after a record with another singer and no discernable drop in songwriting quality. In fact, these dudes are only getting better with experience, as the rousing daydreamers' anthem "The Wanderer" attests.

18. Otyg: "Ulvskrede" (Älvefärd, Napalm, 1998, Sweden) - Although he's gone off on some cosmic sci-fi tangent in recent years, Swedish vocalist Andreas "Vintersorg" Hedlund has a long history in Sweden's Viking/folk/pagan metal scene. He currently mans the mic for Borknagar, which, like his long-running self-titled project, originated as a more folkloric black metal act than the proggy outfit they are today. More to the point was Otyg, the brilliant folk metal quintet he lead through three demos and two LPs before it was eclipsed by his gazillion other bands. Vintersorg didn't use his growly vocals in Otyg, and his voice is somewhat deeper here than it is today, but there's no mistaking those distinctive pipes. (No offense to Mr. Hedlund, but he kind of reminds me of the Swedish Chef on Älvefärd). The lyrics of this track confused the hell out of every online translation tool I tried, and I certainly don't speak Swedish. What I could make out were words like "darkness," "cold," "twilight," "wolf," "silence," "altitude" and "fire," and I think the title means something like "Wolf's Scream." Yeah, this is some dank forest shit.

19. Glittertind: "Se Norges Blomsterdal" (Evige Asatro, UT, 2003, Norway) - This is literally a one-man recording done by a Norwegian teenager named Torbjørn Sandvik. It's from a demo released as an album - not once, but twice. It reached the general public in 2004 thanks to the about-to-fold Karmageddon Media, but Evige Asatro, like Glittertind's previous demo, was first distributed the previous year by UT Records, which is owned by members of the Swedish band Ultima Thule. Now, read the Wikipedia entry about those guys. Notice how it shadily mentions "some music critics classify the band as White Power music," then goes on to list an obscene amount of ties to far, far right "action networks." It's not Torbjørn's fault if those dudes are Nazzies, and that is most certainly not his stance, as can be read here. No, its creator believes that Glittertind's unapologetically patriotic music is first Norwegian, then metal and punk. Some kids wear ski masks and throw trash cans through Starbuck's windows when politicians are in town, but this music is this kid's way of fighting back the encroaching forces of globalization. And here is the real root of this ethnic metal explosion, in my opinion and others'. The Euro may make international banking easier, and who doesn't love "South Park"? Yet as an American with no idea of his true cultural heritage, I sympathize with those who are seeing theirs sold out to a bland international standard largely dictated by my own homeland. From what the hilarious online translation tells me, "Se Norges Blomsterdal" ("See the Blooming Valley of Norway") is on the order of "America the Beautiful": our landscape is lovely, we rule, etc. Sharing a beerhall refrain with the German hunting march "Ein Jäger Aus Kurpfalz," its delivery is as joyous as metal gets.

20. Bathory: "Hammerheart" (Twilight of the Gods, Black Mark, 1991, Sweden) - Finally, we hail the fallen. Bathory, Ace "Quorthon" Forsberg's literal garage "band," had left quite a legacy by the time it passed away with him in 2004. Sure, Venom named it, but what we think of as black metal today really began with the first three Bathory albums, each one uglier, meaner and more focused than the last. But then came the amazing Blood Fire Death, my personal favorite of the bunch - why, yes, it's the "transition album." Suddenly, Quorthon was obsessed with being Swedish, and he started writing long, doomy, Manowarian epics about life in Ye Olde Sweden alongside his usual thrashin' Satan-and-war stuff. The following two records made up his "Viking phase" (he returned to it later, but we'll ignore that). It is the final song on the second of these, the ultra-Wagnerian Twilight of the Gods, that I have chosen to conclude this tour of ethnic metal. "Hammerheart" is not a metal song at all, but something that became a '90s Eurometal staple: a pseudo-classical "atmospheric" piece. My more cultured readers will recognize the melody as Gustav Holst's "Jupiter" theme, or maybe as "I Vow to Thee, My Country." Quorthon was no moron - I'm sure he meant to evoke both the pagan and the patriotic with this choice. Listening to it now, it's as if Quorthon was writing the song he wanted played as his own funeral. I've always thought "Hammerheart" was beautiful, one of Bathory's most impressive moments, actually, even though it's nothing like the rest. It is, however, as nostalgic, romantic, heroic and powerful as any Viking metal that followed.

Yum!

Good day. I hope that 2007 is rocking your ass. I need to ask your advice on some things.

+My New Year's resolution is to find one interesting recipe each month this year and learn to prepare it well. By the end of the year, I hope to have a dozen different dishes under my ever-expanding belt, as well as a kitchen better stocked with devices for future food preparation. To do this, I figure I need to make each item at least twice, so it should be something that I enjoy, can afford and can locate ingredients for without ordering them from Stuttgart. I don't care much for olives, capers, hard-boiled eggs, veal or any type of gland or organ.

So, what should I try cooking this month? Has anyone recently come across a crazy-sounding recipe that turned out surprisingly well (something like, say, the delicious smoked salmon cheesecake I just made for the holidays)? Or maybe just an old favorite that you can never convince anyone to try with a mere description, but once you successfully cajole them, can't get them to stop eating? I'm even open to conventional dishes if there's something personal and unique about them. Health benefits are not a major concern. I'm looking for flavor here.

+The cable bill is going up, and I'm seriously considering switching cable providers. I'm currently with Comcast, and their digital cable has the big plus of the OnDemand channel, which I have extolled in the past for its plethora of entertainment choices. But when I reflect upon the past year, I realize that I watched a lot of lousy shit I probably would not have if it wasn't sitting right there on my cable box. OnDemand is like a video store you don't have to drive to, except your choices are extremely limited. I mean, I got to watch that crazy movie "The Hole," where Thora Birch runs around looking hot with a fake British accent, and it was nice to see a Jess Franco movie that didn't bore me. But I avoided "Robocop 3" for many years because it looked like crap, and now I can tell you that it is, in fact, crap. A few weeks ago, I was watching "One Missed Call" because it was a Takashi Miike movie I hadn't seen, and found myself writhing at the horrible English dubbing, the pan-and-scan transfer and the obnoxious ad graphics that kept exploding all over the bottom of the screen - all the while thinking that there are other Miike movies I hadn't seen that I would have preferred to have been watching anyway.

I long for a nearby video store that carries the DVDs I want to rent: all those deluxe reissues of old European exploitation movies, weird art movies, stimulating documentaries, independent animation, metal concerts, backyard wrestling accidents, etc. You know, shit I can't rent around here. Unless... I switch to cheaper cable and use the money I save to get NetFlix. Anyone have a convincing reason I shouldn't move my TV and Internet to Wow! and make more proactive choices when I sit down to a flick?

+I've lived on my own for more than a year and haven't gone on a single date in that period. That's the sort of true statement that at one point in my life would have made me seriously depressed, but which today is merely a true statement. I enjoy my free time, and I absolutely love living alone. The idea of trying to initiate something in the romance department has crossed my mind a few times, but I think my intuition is better these days, and I haven't acted on any caprices which might have caused grief to all involved. I'll joke about mail order brides or stalking in a public setting, but that's just your average frustration. Compared to about five or six years ago, most of the time I'm relatively chill about this eternal bachelorhood business.

But then, there's this annoying loneliness that creeps up on me at inopportune times, and it's been getting a bit loud lately. So, in desperation, I am considering checking out one of those creepy services that feeds survey answers into a machine before recommending that two strangers attempt to "meet cute." Of course, it's against everything I believe to turn over something as personal and elusive as establishing genuine interpersonal affection to a fucking robot. And then there was that one time I met that "goth" girl online who called me collect from New Jersey, and upon meeting me proceeded to show me her suicide attempt scars and tell me that both she and her trailer park boyfriend thought I was cute - was I up for a threesome? Do I really want to pay some business to have another experience like that? Or can I expect something more like real dating - comraderie, hope, pleasure, activity and, ultimately, crushing disappointment? Does anyone know of any such service that isn't crazy expensive and won't hook me up with a manipulative lunatic? Should I just troll the neighborhood bars? Take a class? Keep pushing it out of my mind?

I appreciate your feedback, pals. Coming up next, I am getting ready for the second installment of the Heathen Crusade, and to celebrate, I'll have a new mp3 playlist of "ethnic metal" tunes reflecting a number of cultural heritages. From Scandinavia to Singapore, from the Emerald Isle to the Faroe Islands, you won't believe some of the intriguing stuff that's out there right now. In the meantime, enjoy the Xmas music while it's still there. What, did those stop being good songs on Dec. 26?

Oh, definitely watch this video for Bloc Party's new single, "The Prayer." Their upcoming A Weekend in the City is the best record I've heard so far this year.