Ever wanted a tasty dish that also helps combat heartburn?

Of course you have! Move over, Choco-Beef! Eat a fat dick, Carmo-Broc! Begone, The Dunston List!

Herein, I submit selections from my forthcoming "Gentleman's Guide To Cooking With Pepto-Bismol." (Royalties to be shared with co-creators Andrew and Tom Patch.) Killer Foods may distribute some of these to your local supermarket. Ready-to-eat dinners for overstressed folks on the go? Killer!



Pepto-Crusted BBQ Baby Back Ribs
Macaroni and Chee-Zee Bismol
Buffalo Chick'n Gobblers with Ranch-Bismol Dippin' Sauce
Aunt Mildred's Gooey-Ooey Pepto-Walnut Brownie Bars
Pepto-Pressed Duck
Salad Niçois with Mint-Bismol Dressing
Frito-Pepto-Cheddar Pie
Burst's "Crystal Asunder" Shrimp Bismol Dumplings
Beefy Chile Con Bismol
Peach and Pepto Frangipane Tart
Pan-Seared Lake Bismol Trout with Mint Yogurt Sauce
Orzo with Pepto and Arugula
Cold Pepto and Cabbage Borscht
Lil' Bismol Poppers
Barley, Leek and Pepto Bisque
Orange Beef Stir-Fry with Bismol Sauce Over Steamed Rice
Pepto-Flavored Baked Lo-Fat Tato Crisps
Dakota Blend Bismol Chai Tea

That's right, honey! Pink's not just the world's hottest pop singer anymore!