Holiday hijacking - with all the fixins
Eat your Christing birdflesh already, those few of you who will bother this year. Just do something to pretend you care about today's holiday, all the while drooling about the next one. I can't think of another holiday that gets robbed like Thanksgiving does. Goad told me a terrible story about having to take down Halloween decorations at work on Halloween - to put up Christmas stuff. Yes, Christmas now moves into stores in October, although Halloween at least gets the beginning of October or so to bask in its holiday glory. But Thanksgiving? Eff you, pilgrims!
Aside from Mom's stuffing, over the last couple of years my favorite Thanksgiving tradition has been X-Entertainment's review of an old Macy's Parade TV broadcast. This year's, from 1989, is just as great, but proves my point - sure, there's a giant animatronic turkey there, but who shows up for the grand finale? Hey, it's Santa! Can you imagine the nerve of that Arctic asshole, waltzing in late to someone else's parade and then stealing the show? And it's not even noon! Do leprechauns show up and dance on romantic couples' tables on Valentine's Day? If they did, they'd get kicked out, or at least be met with funny stares. But Santa gets away with his holiday hijacking, actually gets cheers for doing it. I think it's because Thanksgiving is an American holiday. (Well, the Canadians celebrate it too, but up there it comes before Halloween, probably so Christmas won't interfere. Canada rules.) Santa obviously hates America, and therefore he hates freedom and loves terror. I say we boycott him instead of France, where at least you can get absinthe.
And now, an A-Z of things for which I am thankful in 2005:
Amorphis bringing back the death metal vocals
Bart coming back to town for the holidays
Condominium living
Director's cut of "Land of the Dead"
Excellent friends
Fishing off the company pier... and oaths sworn never to do so again
Grandma, celebrating her 84th Thanksgiving with us today
Having a blast north of the border
Iraq: mission accomplished!
Jansen, Floor - the hottest lady in metal
Kissing women to whom I am not related
L. Meredith and Andrew coming back to town for the holidays
Mom's turkey stuffing - lots of celery, no fruit, delicious
Not having to drive to Elmhurst every day
Ostentatious adjectives
Parents who love and support me no matter how bitchy I get
Quiet time
Rowling, J.K., and her excellent little wizard saga
Swinging in the park on a warm summer night
Two Tossers shows in one week
Unrequited love, which, as Woody Allen tells us, is the only kind that lasts
Vermithrax Pejorative, my temperamental car
Waking up next to a gorgeous woman
Xasthur's beautiful, droning, desolate black metal
You, an obviously intelligent and lovely reader
Zombie movies coming out left and right
Aside from Mom's stuffing, over the last couple of years my favorite Thanksgiving tradition has been X-Entertainment's review of an old Macy's Parade TV broadcast. This year's, from 1989, is just as great, but proves my point - sure, there's a giant animatronic turkey there, but who shows up for the grand finale? Hey, it's Santa! Can you imagine the nerve of that Arctic asshole, waltzing in late to someone else's parade and then stealing the show? And it's not even noon! Do leprechauns show up and dance on romantic couples' tables on Valentine's Day? If they did, they'd get kicked out, or at least be met with funny stares. But Santa gets away with his holiday hijacking, actually gets cheers for doing it. I think it's because Thanksgiving is an American holiday. (Well, the Canadians celebrate it too, but up there it comes before Halloween, probably so Christmas won't interfere. Canada rules.) Santa obviously hates America, and therefore he hates freedom and loves terror. I say we boycott him instead of France, where at least you can get absinthe.
And now, an A-Z of things for which I am thankful in 2005:
Amorphis bringing back the death metal vocals
Bart coming back to town for the holidays
Condominium living
Director's cut of "Land of the Dead"
Excellent friends
Fishing off the company pier... and oaths sworn never to do so again
Grandma, celebrating her 84th Thanksgiving with us today
Having a blast north of the border
Iraq: mission accomplished!
Jansen, Floor - the hottest lady in metal
Kissing women to whom I am not related
L. Meredith and Andrew coming back to town for the holidays
Mom's turkey stuffing - lots of celery, no fruit, delicious
Not having to drive to Elmhurst every day
Ostentatious adjectives
Parents who love and support me no matter how bitchy I get
Quiet time
Rowling, J.K., and her excellent little wizard saga
Swinging in the park on a warm summer night
Two Tossers shows in one week
Unrequited love, which, as Woody Allen tells us, is the only kind that lasts
Vermithrax Pejorative, my temperamental car
Waking up next to a gorgeous woman
Xasthur's beautiful, droning, desolate black metal
You, an obviously intelligent and lovely reader
Zombie movies coming out left and right
posted by SoulReaper at 2:56 PM
5 Comments:
Did you hear about this year's parade? Two women were attacked by a wayward M&M balloon!!
From a merchandising standpoint, there's very little else to fill the store shelves after Halloween, save for Christmas. I worked retail for a horrible few years, and every year on Halloween, we cleared everything and loaded up on Christmas lights, candles, etc. The problem inherent to Thanksgiving is, it doesn't lend itself to much commercialization. People buy food. Maybe some brown-and-orange paper plates, some turkey napkins, and a little craypaper Pilgrim hat. But most stores have an entire aisle, twenty-four feet of shelving, to cover with seasonal items. They already have a dedicated food aisle... so if they don't load up on Christmas stuff, the aisle would sit empty and barren while they waited for the season to get more appropriate. After Christmas is a few weeks of winter grab-bag items (lock de-icer, road salt, gloves) and then BAM! Easter. After Easter is summer toys, coolers, fans, floatation devices. After summer is back to school, by August you've got Halloween candy, after Halloween you've got Christmas again.
Absinthe is an absolutely putrid tasting elixir. Not even a flying, glowing Kylie Minogue could get me to do that again. If they didn't have an awesome stance on terror and Iraq, I'd boycott France for Absinthe.
Can I get Barts' number from you? He moved to the coast and I never got it.
Yo Jizzo - Bart's number is the same out there as it was here. E-mail me if you don't have that.
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