RECIPE #6: Smoove B's Carrot Chocolate Chip Muffins
So, as I may have mentioned, I now have a bona fide, 100% legit girlfriend. Not having had anyone in my life for more than 11 years who I could legitimately call a girlfriend, yes, it's a big deal. This lady is absolutely fantastic. She's intelligent, vibrant, curvy, kind-hearted, hilarious, easygoing, considerate, responsible and possesses the cutest laugh north of the Mason-Dixon. She treats me well and she doesn't wig out when I treat her well. We enjoy each other's company, and don't have any problems with each other's friends. We have a number of people and places and things in common. It's safe to say that we're in love, and it feels like it's going to last. Thus, the Charlotte Rae and mail order bride initiatives are effectively history.
As one might imagine, going more than a decade without serious mutual romantic affection can make one ill-prepared for some things. Tiny things, such as planning your schedule with someone else in mind, or how time can disappear when you're not really doing anything. My blogging was already hampered by a jam-packed schedule as of late, but although I've devoted the majority of my non-work time to my lady recently, I still write stuff. Like, the screenplays are coming along (Jorge and I are at about the halfway point of our first collaborative draft, while I'm at an impasse on my own adventure tale). I do indeed have a dandy new playlist ready to go in the player, but I need to finish my commentary. Here's a review I did of Marnie Stern's awesome debut CD - I really hope I get out of work in time to see her at the Abbey Pub on Tuesday. And, like last month, I'm sneaking this one in at the very end, but I did try out a new recipe this morning.
I was initially stumped on what to make this month. In the spirit of amorous passion, I knew I had to prepare something sexy and decadent for my woman. Perplexed, I sought advice from professional ladykiller Smoove B. If you are not familiar with Smoove B, he is The Onion's loverman columnist. He basically stepped straight out of a quiet storm hit from 1981, and he's obsessed with feeding his dates elaborate food before hitting them doggystyle on his bearskin rug. In other words, the ideal romantic role model. When I saw that his web site offers recipes for inexperienced tenderonis, my question was answered. I selected a breakfast-time treat, because, as Smoove helpfully instructs, "Many a novice love man errs on the side of putting too much emphasis on the dinner as a means of seduction." Hear, hear!
Unlike his lobster or quail (!) dishes, Smoove's recipe for carrot chocolate chip muffins didn't seem too over-the-top. The toughest thing about it is grating 1 and 1/2 cups of carrots, expecially when you don't own a grater. I like improvising, and I already had to buy a 12-muffin tin pan, so I decided to use my veggie peeler to shave the carrots into little shreds. This took longer than it would have with a proper shredder, but I consider such rigamarole to be part of the love that goes into the dish. Smoove helpfully instructs: "If you have any doubts as to whether the carrots are shredded finely enough, ask yourself, 'Are these carrots shredded finely enough?'" I did, and I concluded that they were. My special lady is definitely not some willowy, frail, fairy princess type. A woman with her energy, complexity and substance deserves more generous bites of carrot, so these were just fine.
After mixing 2 eggs with 2/3 cup of sugar, I added the carrot shreds and set the bowl aside for ten minutes. Into a new bowl went a bunch of dry ingredients. I'm talking 1 1/2 cups of flour, 1 teaspoon of baking soda, 1 teaspoon of baking powder, 1 and 1/2 teaspoons of ground cinnamon, 1/2 teaspoon of salt, 1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg, 1/4 teaspoon of ground cloves and 1/4 teaspoon of allspice. As I did this, I pre-heated the over to 400 degrees and hit the freshly-scrubbed muffin tin pan with some Pam, preferring this to Smoove B's offered alternative, butter. Like Smoove says: "I prefer the cooking spray as it is easy and does not add flavors you may not want." Since it was early in the morning and I was still sort of groggy, I also contemplated why recipes always tell you to add a little bit of salt to sweet baked goods. I wondered about it every time I made the Amish Friendship Bread, too (three batches in all - regular, chocolate/almond and pistachio/cherry). It doesn't seem to add any flavor, so I assume it has some sort of chemical properties that help the item to cook properly. I've not seen Alton Brown address the subject yet. Anyone know the answer?
The ten minutes were up, and it was time for the final step. 1/4 cup of orange juice and 5 tablespoons of melted butter went into the egg/sugar/carrot bowl, along with 1/2 cup of Ghirardelli milk chocolate chips and 1/2 cup dry toasted, unsalted pecan pieces. These last two items were slight alterations from Smoove's recipe, as he calls for mini chips and walnuts, but I don't think he'd disapprove of my personalized version. I wanted big hunks of good milk chocolate rather than some little-bitty, waxy semi-sweet schwag. The pecans were left over from a delicious salad my lady whipped up for us a few weeks ago, and I totally prefer pecans to played-out damn walnuts, which is why they were purchased in the first place. So, all this soupy stuff went into the bowl of flour and whatnot for a final, gentle-handed mixing. From here, it was into the pan and into the oven for 15 minutes.
By this time, Sugar Bear was awake and needed a new environment. I had asked her not to come out and ruin the surprise, but I didn't get to pull Smoove's trick where you make a noise right before they're done so your lady will open her sleep-encrusted eyes to cooling muffins. She doesn't drink coffee, but I did have some herbal tea and honey to go along with her lovin' oven-baked goods. I can't vouch for Smoove B's bedroom advice, but I must admit that he doesn't fuck around in the kitchen - these things were damn tasty, a little spicy, not as sweet as a dessert but sweet enough to make you appreciate a sunny summer Saturday morning. Best of all, my effort was very evidently appreciated.
F'real, next post will accompany a new mp3 list, so listen to those songs on the right ASAP. Later in July, my lady and I plan to cook something and to write about the experience together, so watch this space for Entartete Kunst's first-ever guest contributor. Can you handle the cuteness? Fuckin' A, right, you can!
As one might imagine, going more than a decade without serious mutual romantic affection can make one ill-prepared for some things. Tiny things, such as planning your schedule with someone else in mind, or how time can disappear when you're not really doing anything. My blogging was already hampered by a jam-packed schedule as of late, but although I've devoted the majority of my non-work time to my lady recently, I still write stuff. Like, the screenplays are coming along (Jorge and I are at about the halfway point of our first collaborative draft, while I'm at an impasse on my own adventure tale). I do indeed have a dandy new playlist ready to go in the player, but I need to finish my commentary. Here's a review I did of Marnie Stern's awesome debut CD - I really hope I get out of work in time to see her at the Abbey Pub on Tuesday. And, like last month, I'm sneaking this one in at the very end, but I did try out a new recipe this morning.
I was initially stumped on what to make this month. In the spirit of amorous passion, I knew I had to prepare something sexy and decadent for my woman. Perplexed, I sought advice from professional ladykiller Smoove B. If you are not familiar with Smoove B, he is The Onion's loverman columnist. He basically stepped straight out of a quiet storm hit from 1981, and he's obsessed with feeding his dates elaborate food before hitting them doggystyle on his bearskin rug. In other words, the ideal romantic role model. When I saw that his web site offers recipes for inexperienced tenderonis, my question was answered. I selected a breakfast-time treat, because, as Smoove helpfully instructs, "Many a novice love man errs on the side of putting too much emphasis on the dinner as a means of seduction." Hear, hear!
Unlike his lobster or quail (!) dishes, Smoove's recipe for carrot chocolate chip muffins didn't seem too over-the-top. The toughest thing about it is grating 1 and 1/2 cups of carrots, expecially when you don't own a grater. I like improvising, and I already had to buy a 12-muffin tin pan, so I decided to use my veggie peeler to shave the carrots into little shreds. This took longer than it would have with a proper shredder, but I consider such rigamarole to be part of the love that goes into the dish. Smoove helpfully instructs: "If you have any doubts as to whether the carrots are shredded finely enough, ask yourself, 'Are these carrots shredded finely enough?'" I did, and I concluded that they were. My special lady is definitely not some willowy, frail, fairy princess type. A woman with her energy, complexity and substance deserves more generous bites of carrot, so these were just fine.After mixing 2 eggs with 2/3 cup of sugar, I added the carrot shreds and set the bowl aside for ten minutes. Into a new bowl went a bunch of dry ingredients. I'm talking 1 1/2 cups of flour, 1 teaspoon of baking soda, 1 teaspoon of baking powder, 1 and 1/2 teaspoons of ground cinnamon, 1/2 teaspoon of salt, 1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg, 1/4 teaspoon of ground cloves and 1/4 teaspoon of allspice. As I did this, I pre-heated the over to 400 degrees and hit the freshly-scrubbed muffin tin pan with some Pam, preferring this to Smoove B's offered alternative, butter. Like Smoove says: "I prefer the cooking spray as it is easy and does not add flavors you may not want." Since it was early in the morning and I was still sort of groggy, I also contemplated why recipes always tell you to add a little bit of salt to sweet baked goods. I wondered about it every time I made the Amish Friendship Bread, too (three batches in all - regular, chocolate/almond and pistachio/cherry). It doesn't seem to add any flavor, so I assume it has some sort of chemical properties that help the item to cook properly. I've not seen Alton Brown address the subject yet. Anyone know the answer?
The ten minutes were up, and it was time for the final step. 1/4 cup of orange juice and 5 tablespoons of melted butter went into the egg/sugar/carrot bowl, along with 1/2 cup of Ghirardelli milk chocolate chips and 1/2 cup dry toasted, unsalted pecan pieces. These last two items were slight alterations from Smoove's recipe, as he calls for mini chips and walnuts, but I don't think he'd disapprove of my personalized version. I wanted big hunks of good milk chocolate rather than some little-bitty, waxy semi-sweet schwag. The pecans were left over from a delicious salad my lady whipped up for us a few weeks ago, and I totally prefer pecans to played-out damn walnuts, which is why they were purchased in the first place. So, all this soupy stuff went into the bowl of flour and whatnot for a final, gentle-handed mixing. From here, it was into the pan and into the oven for 15 minutes.By this time, Sugar Bear was awake and needed a new environment. I had asked her not to come out and ruin the surprise, but I didn't get to pull Smoove's trick where you make a noise right before they're done so your lady will open her sleep-encrusted eyes to cooling muffins. She doesn't drink coffee, but I did have some herbal tea and honey to go along with her lovin' oven-baked goods. I can't vouch for Smoove B's bedroom advice, but I must admit that he doesn't fuck around in the kitchen - these things were damn tasty, a little spicy, not as sweet as a dessert but sweet enough to make you appreciate a sunny summer Saturday morning. Best of all, my effort was very evidently appreciated.
F'real, next post will accompany a new mp3 list, so listen to those songs on the right ASAP. Later in July, my lady and I plan to cook something and to write about the experience together, so watch this space for Entartete Kunst's first-ever guest contributor. Can you handle the cuteness? Fuckin' A, right, you can!
posted by SoulReaper at 4:21 PM
3 Comments:
Marnie Stern, In Advance of the Broken Arm (Kill Rock Stars) ***
Marnie Stern does such unusual things within the realm of guitar wizardry, that fact that she's a rare female shredder is simply overshadowed by her vibrant music.
On this, Stern's debut LP, the New York native toes the line between formal experiments and off-kilter indie rock. With influences cited as including Sleater-Kinney, Don Caballero and Melt-Banana, that's bound to be the case, and the result - a blend of energetic grrl-rock and twiddly math-punk - is giddy and easy to like.
Stern literally recorded Arm in her bedroom over a two-year period, with drums provided by Zach Hill of noiseniks Hella. Her densely layered guitar lines often loop, build and crash together like a less metallic Orthrelm. When tracks like "Grapefruit" or "Put All Your Eggs In One Basket and Then Watch That Basket!!!" threaten too much repetition, Stern's often-multitracked vocals add another attraction, like an unapologetically girly gaggle of stoned, candy-crunching cheerleaders.
Arm probably wouldn't be as bracing without Hill's wild percussion, but its finest moments (the squalling shoegazer detours in "Absorb Those Numbers," the brightly shifting patterns of "Healer") all belong to Stern. It won't be to everyone's taste, but for the audio equivalent of neon fireworks, this is the lady to see.
"We enjoy each other's company, and don't have any problems with each other's friends."
...so far.
"Hot Fuzz" and "Shaun of the Dead" are at Brew & View this week. How's that for a reason to come out?
I look forward to meeting her! Perhaps a jaunt to the Hala is in store.
She does like "Lost", yes?
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