Filet of Seoul

"Gwoemul"
(aka "The Host," 2006)

Further evidence of Hollywood's refusal to come up with a good horror movie: an American remake of South Korean import "The Host" has been greenlit, even as the original currently rampages through an arthouse near you. I am telling you right now that they will fuck it up as badly as they will "Cannibal Holocaust" and "Faces of Death." It's not a question of gore this time, as "The Host" is not that gruesome, yet there are too many things in it that scare American distributors. It's the sort of action-horror-comedy where you're not sure if you're supposed to be laughing, so its quirky comic/serious tone will surely be jettisoned. Children die, a big no-no in the majority of U.S. horror films, which already have a hard enough time getting past the MPAA without baiting the faceless cretins. Then there's the film's implication that Americans may occasionally do some shady shit overseas. The North Koreans love "The Host," and that's some praise coming from a country whose leader once kidnapped people and forced them to make a monster movie for him. I have a feeling Hollywood's gonna pull another "Godzilla" on us and make the French responsible for creating this beast.

And what a beast it is! The totally wicked amphibian is born when an unscrupulous American military doctor makes a poor Korean lab worker dump a bunch of formaldehyde in the Han River because the bottles are dusty(!). Years later, the chemicals have fused with organic river matter, resulting in a fish/frog abomination that likes to scoop up humans and carry them off to a sewer, its own secret snack stash. Unlike a lot of monster movies that waste too much time on boring humans, the family we follow in "The Host" is entertaining in their own right. Protagonist Gang-Du suffers from narcolepsy due to childhood malnutrition, his regretful dad runs a food stand, his sister is a champion archer and his brother is a rampaging drunk. Gang-Du's little daughter is taken by the creature and presumed dead, but then he receives a phone call from her confirming that she's not. Of course, no one thinks to check the incoming call log on Gang-Du's phone and the government goons don't believe him. Besides, they're too busy quarantining everyone who's come into contact with the monster, since many develop a skin rash that scientists believe is a new strain of virus. America chips in with an experimental chemical weapon unsubtly called "Agent Yellow," which brings massive protests once a plan is announced to dump it in the river. Meanwhile, Gang-Du and family escape to hunt for the little girl, who's trying to escape the sewer with an even littler boy. Although movie logic dictates that the family will be more successful than the government, the satisfying conclusion isn't quite what you expect. Now I'd like to see director Bong Joon-ho's previous film, an acclaimed account of South Korea's first serial killer entitled "Memories of Murder." More exciting than the original Korean trailer, here's the red band trailer for the current American theatrical release of "The Host":