Sayonara '06

To my Mighty Legion of Stalwart Readers:

I just want to say thanks for maintaining interest in this silly blog. I've had a lot of fun slapping these rambling posts together this year, and I hope I've managed to entertain, enlighten, endear or at least enrage you. With only hours left in 2006, I wish to extend my gratitude to everyone who wandered here, left a reply, spun some tunes or otherwise made me feel as if my off-hours typing efforts are worth the butt cramps. To anyone I have not actually spoken with in a while (or who is subsequently not speaking to me), please know that you are in my thoughts and that I wish the great cold distance was merely the best album of the year. May peace, love, balance and happiness bloom within each and every one of you, and may your days be long and healthy.

Be safe tonight. See ya next year!

Crime of the season

A fresh batch of holiday selections is cooling in the mp3 player. Note: this not ranked. And while you're listening, I suggest catching up on X-Entertainment's 2006 advent calendar, which has been especially thrilling this year. The plot's teeming with kidnapping, family tension and MySpace drama, complete with an active MySpace site for for one the characters - this is why Knacks is number one in my Top 8. Or if you don't want to be entertained, you can read my blather below. Enjoy the solstice, or whatever holiday you celebrate.

1. Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass: "Sleigh Ride" (1968) - Let's start with something smooth. Vintage Herb Alpert always puts me in a positive mood. When he and the TJB get bustling, I feel like I'm on a glamorous overseas holiday, or at least grocery shopping. The Christmas Album isn't their most inspired work, but it was a huge hit, and the tunes without lead vocals are pretty cool. Like a lot of the tracks on the album, "Sleigh Ride" starts with one of those cheesy/breezy Xmas record vocal harmonies, these and the strings contributed by cool jazz arranger Shorty Rogers. The potentially aggravating standard eventually appears as a prime bachelor pad instrumental, the singers floating into the mix to "oooohhhh" here and there. The tempo shifts from ska to marching band to glacial schmaltz and back. Why, I'm not sure.

2. Eazy-E: "Merry Muthafuckin' Xmas (feat. Menajahtwa, Buckwheat, Will 1X and ATBAN Klann)" (1992) - Former gangbanger and drug dealer Eazy-E was not a guy you'd expect to record a jovial rendition of "Joy to the World," having made his legacy on songs about violence, sex, drugs and having violent sex while on drugs. His sole contribution to the seasonal canon comes from his EP 5150: Home 4 tha Sick, released a year after the much-maligned final N.W.A platter, Efil4zaggin. These records only showed how crucial a songwriter Ice Cube was to Eazy's early success, as by this time he was a walking caricature of gangsta hedonism. Sure made for a hilariously juvenile Xmas, tune, though. Yes, that's Rudy Ray Moore himself during the intro, in his eternal role as Dolemite. Perhaps the scariest thing about it is the participation of "Will 1X and ATBAN Klann," now respectively known as will.i.am and The Black Eyed Peas, whose Radio Disney audience probably doesn't know that they were once part of the Ruthless Records roster. Considering their presence and Eazy's rampaging id, this is possibly the most Satanic Xmas song in existence.

3. Twisted Sister: "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" (2006) - These guys are the lightest, most commercial '80s metal band that I still enjoy, and aside from W.A.S.P. or early Guns N' Roses, the only "hair" act I care to remember. This year's A Twisted Christmas is Twisted Sister's first new LP since 1987's Love is for Suckers. It pretty much blows, but this track is somewhat inspired. They set the religious favorite to the tune of their hit "We're Not Gonna Take It," the song that ruled my world in the summer of 1984. It fits perfectly, which is hilarious. It goes on for nearly five minutes, which is not - Dee Snider sings the damn thing over and over and over again. They made a video, which is almost like an old Twisted Sister video, except it's much cheaper. Dee's the only one who bothers to don the make-up again, as the rest of the band goes for the "grizzled rock dude" look. I think the message of the video is: if even a frightmasked Jewish boy like Snider can sing nice things about Christ, why can't we all start shaking around like L.A. strippers this Xmas?

4. Joe Pesci: "If It Doesn't Snow for Christmas" (1998) - Yes, that Joe Pesci. Before he was in "Raging Bull," Pesci had been a child actor, played guitar with Joey Dee and the Starlighters and recorded a record of pop vocal covers under the name Joe Ritchie. He revived his musical endeavors with a truly awful album for Columbia entitled Vincent LaGuardia Gambini Sings Just for You, bringing back his character from "My Cousin Vinny." He even got Marisa Tomei to reprise her Oscar-winning role as his better half on one duet. The embarassing mambo number "Yo Cousin Vinny," justly commemorated by the simpletons at VH1 as some sort of landmark in bad music, was apparently a hit in Europe, and this holiday song was also released as a single. The only humor comes from paisano Pesci dropping f-bombs throughout the cutesy tune - made popular by Gene Autry as "If It Doesn't Snow on Christmas" - so I fail to understand why someone imagined it would get any airplay. To be fair, they probably didn't imagine anyone who received a review promo of the album would still own it eight years later. On the other hand, the promotional web site for the record is still active...

5. Ren & Stimpy: "We're Going Shopping" (1993) - I totally missed out on Ren & Stimpy. I didn't have cable during their initial Nickelodeon heyday, and only saw random shows friends had taped until I got to college and caught reruns amid a lot of newer, weaker episodes. As a result, I don't have the same nostalgic love for them that have for characters from shows I've seen roll out week by week. But I do enjoy "The Ren & Stimpy Show," even those newer, weaker ones, because it was so obstinately weird and gross. This selection is from their Crock O' Christmas LP, a suitably bizarre tribute to Jesus' birthday, as well as to Stimpy's beloved Yaksmas. "Shopping" is one of the less show-specific tunes on the disc, wherein Stimpy assures Ren that their trip to the mall will only take "ten minutes." I could really do without Xmas shopping. The whole process is arduous - it's cold, the stores are swamped, you always walk out feeling like you bought something stupid. Most people I buy for get gift cards so I'm not wasting my dough on something they won't use. So, I'm with Ren on this one.

6. Spike Jones and His City Slickers: "All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" (1948) - Another classic, this late hit for bandleader Spike Jones made it all the way to number one. It's pretty tame by the man's usual standard, although the little "Jingle Bells" section in the middle offers a glimpse of Jones' wacky world. Whistling, banjo, kazoo, handclaps, bells, sneezes and other sound effects are integrated with a normal big band for what at the time amounted to pure audio anarchy. Jones was mostly famous for giving this treatment to popular hits, which would start off sounding normal but soon turn into a carefully orchestrated cacophany of slide whistles, bugles, gunshots and assorted metal things turned into percussion instruments. He wasn't a bona fide parodist like "Weird Al," but he paved the way with his subversive deconstructions. Spike did a lot of holiday tunes, some of which can be heard here. This one always reminds me of my dad's dad. I remember him singing it to me when I was little.

7. The Dickies: "Silent Night" (1978) - If a punk rock Xmas tune is not going to be snide, then it should at least tear ass. Enter The Dickies, those cartoony loonies who somehow landed a major label deal before any other punk band from L.A. Their sugar buzz take on the religious hymn came out before their first album, and is an omen that the band would come to be known for zippy covers and novelty songs. They went on to thrash the likes of "Nights in White Satin," "Eve of Destruction," "The Sound of Silence," "Paranoid," "Communication Breakdown" and the theme songs from "Gigantor" and "The Banana Splits" - the last of these was a top ten hit in the UK. The Dickies don't really make fun of "Silent Night," but they're not exactly reverent, either. These guys rule, and they don't get anywhere near the props they deserve. This Xmas, if you're shopping for a kid who likes poppy punk but is stuck spinning what the radio offers, I strongly recommend the disc from which I ripped this, Great Dictations: The Definitive Dickies Collection. Trivia: I once bummed a smoke to Dickies singer Leonard Graves Phillips after a Halloween show they played with GWAR.

8. Greg Lake: "Humbug" (1974) - Here's one for the prog haters. It was the b-side to a solo single by guitarist/vocalist Greg Lake, the man who put the L in ELP after leaving King Crimson. The a-side, "I Believe in Father Christmas," later showed up in another version on Emerson, Lake and Palmer's sketchy Works, Vol. 2, and both versions of the song are on the Rhino compilation EP from which I snagged "Humbug." That a-side, a celestial repudiation of Christianity, would make religious folks' hair stand on end if they paid attention to the lyrics, yet it's another odd one that's somehow entered the popular Yuletide lexicon. "Humbug," by contrast, is a benign and whimsical ditty, and you're not likely to hear it anywhere else this year unless you own it. I generally prefer ELP's epic light show workouts over their "fun" tunes, but this one's nice.

9. Bob Rivers & Twisted Radio: "Walkin' 'Round in Women's Underwear" (1993) - Seattle's Bob Rivers is one of those wacky morning jocks who records a lot of parody songs. Normally, that would signal sheer sonic terror, but holiday music has a way of leveling the playing field. Rivers is a pro and his Xmas records are plentiful, with many selections now annual staples of Dr. Demento's holiday broadcasts. This ode to surreptitious cross-dressing hails from the album I Am Santa Claus, which also features an amusing title track (Sabbath's "Iron Man" hijacked to extol the Jolly Old Elf, complete with the robot voice). I think the cheery singers are what make "Underwear" for me. Their vanilla mirth makes the subject sound much more deviant.

10. The Flaming Lips: "White Christmas (Demo for Tom Waits)" (2000) - From a charity album put out by British tastemakers XFM and Jeepster Records, Oklahoma's major label indie rock superstars offer this woozy take on Irving Berlin's perennial. Even though its composer was conflicted about the season, "White Christmas" is one of the holiday's most sacred non-religious tunes. Just about anyone who's recorded it treats it like "The Star Spangled Banner." The Lips exude their signature pie-eyed wonder on this track, which keeps with that tradition. However, they also manage to sound completely whacked out of their gourds, with Wayne Coyne's vocals especially ready to collapse at any moment. I have no idea what the "(Demo for Tom Waits)" part means, but if they intended Waits to roar over this somewhat creepy psychedelic track, I wanna hear the results.

11. Fear: "Fuck Christmas" (1982) - Not ones for sentimentality, the beer-swilling bruisers of Fear cut this blitzkrieg single the same year as their debut album, The Record. I don't really like Fear's stance on a lot of things, and although their "politically incorrect" sense of humor was calculated to get a rise out of people, Fear became major source of inspiration for, um, far right-wing punk, the kind for people who mostly like to get drunk and beat people up. However, when they weren't spewing cartoon hate at women or homosexuals, they could be pretty funny. "Fuck Christmas" starts as a sappy slow tune before exploding into a classic hardcore blast; it's a one-joke pisser that amply conveys its petulant message in under a minute. You can watch them playing it here, followed by an early version of the song "Surgery" with its original lyrics about Josef Mengele... "Angel of Death," it's not.

12. South Park: "Christmas Time in Hell" (1999) - Before "South Park" came on, I was eagerly awaiting a TV show from the guys who made "Cannibal! The Musical." By the time the first Xmas special aired, I was sick of it, and I stayed that way for a while. If it wasn't the endless Eric Cartman impressions everyone was attempting (you still hear 'em today), it was the merchandising overkill, an endless stream of "Respect My Authoritah!" t-shirts and posters and plush dolls and bumper stickers and coffee mugs. But a couple of years later, I saw a really funny episode at a friend's house, and I started watching it again, finally able to enjoy the show apart from the extraneous crap. It still manages brilliance every few episodes, particularly in its musical numbers. Season 3's holiday episode came with a tie-in CD of the same name, Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics, which is where this jaunty show tune originated. Satan (Trey Parker) serenades the denizens of Hell, who include Mao Tse-Tung, Princess Diana and Michael Landon. When he surprises a morose Hitler with a Tannenbaum, it's heartwarming holiday magic.

13. Ramones: "Merry Christmas (I Don't Wanna Fight Tonight) (UK single version)" (1989) - Dee Dee's last recording as a proper Ramone was the Brain Drain album, which is more famous for housing the theme song from "Pet Sematary." Some of the '80s Ramones records are kind of bland, but Brain Drain is not the nadir. One of its definite highlights comes at the end, in Joey's lovably lunkheaded plea for temporary peace on the homefront in honor of the holiday. Fifteen years later, three of the guys who played on it are no longer with us, making the song especially poignant now. I found this extended version, which includes an appropriate sleigh bell intro, on the Rhino comp Punk Rock Xmas, where several of our other selections are also housed (notables here I didn't include are The Damned, Pansy Division, El Vez and Stiff Little Fingers). This one goes out to Marky Ramone: merry Xmas, and please tell Jerry Only to get his shit together.

14. Quo Vadis: "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)" (2000) - There aren't a lot of metal Xmas songs, and if you want prog metal Xmas songs, you pretty much have to make due with the famous Savatage side project, which is too housewifey to satisfy me. But here are underrated undergrounders Quo Vadis, who come from the quintessentially Canadian lineage of tricky/aggressive metal that gave us Voivod, Gorguts, Obliveon, Kataklysm, Cryptopsy, Martyr, Despised Icon, etc. They did their freaky cover of the John Lennon holiday favorite for a compilation entitled Noël dans la Rue Vol. 3, but the band posted it on mp3.com back when it was more like PureVolume.com, and that's how I have it. Like Nevermore, Quo Vadis seems determined to overhaul a song when they cover it, making it sound more like one of their own than a copy of the original. Though the results aren't necessarily an improvement here, I respect that approach.

15. KITT the Amazing Car of Tomorrow: "A Knight Rider Christmas" (?) - Okay, I'm not gonna lie. I downloaded this mp3 somewhere, and I did not pay for it. I think I found it back in the halcyon days of Napster. Furthermore, I can find no information on it other than references to this same mp3 on blogs and whatnot. It's credited to "KITT the Amazing Car of Tomorrow," and I couldn't begin to speculate on who that actually is, but I can imagine why they wouldn't want their identity known. This is a funny idea not executed very well. I imagine it was done around the time of the show's initial run, since if it were more recent it would probably be much campier. Whatever, KITT was awesome, and you should know that something like this exists.

16. Tom Lehrer: "A Christmas Carol" (1959) - In another Dr. Demento staple, bespectacled mathemetician Tom Lehrer takes Xmas to task for the same money-sucking mercenariness that Stan Freberg lampooned a year earlier. This comes from the live album An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer, where you can also find such arch Tin Pan Alley-style ditties as "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" and "The Masochism Tango." The live Harvard audience can be heard giggling at the beginning, as if Lehrer's piano playing is funny to them. They're just reacting to his intro, where he suggests that none of the carols he ever hears deals with the true spirit of the season, "the commercial spirit." An eternal cynic, Lehrer even takes a swipe at Santa's reindeer on the way out. Tom's my kind of guy.

17. They Might Be Giants: "O Tannenbaum" (1993) - My favorite non-metal band is no stranger to the seasonal song. If you don't count "Santa's Beard" (I'm not sure if I do), their version of "O Tannenbaum" was the first. It was on a colored vinyl 7" with a song called "Christmas Cards," and later appeared on the They Might Be Giants in Holidayland EP. This late-night jazz vibe rendition was recorded during a soundcheck, adorned with clarinet, saxophone, brushed drums and a boozy, lethargic pace. John Linnell, my preferred John, takes lead vocal here, lending his distinctive nasal charm to the traditional German carol. "O Tannenbaum" was the product of a simpler time, before TMBG became impossible to keep track of with all the subscription downloads and TV themes and specialty kids' releases and Cartoon Network promotions and Dunkin' Donuts commercials and whatnot. I love those guys, and I'm glad to see them dominating multiple media, but it's gotten crazy.

18. The Nightmare Before Christmas: "Making Christmas" (1993) - From the same year as our previous selection hails Halloweentown's holiday hijacking hymn. If for some ungodly reason you have never seen "The Nightmare Before Christmas," or have not seen it in a long time, this song comes after Jack Skellington, the big scaremeister of the place where Halloween lives, decides to cure his ennui by taking over Xmas. Jack makes a poor decision, but he's not an outright jerk; when he stumbles into Christmastown and is enchanted by its cheery otherness, he wants so badly to be a part of it that he simply fails to consider the repercussions. He gets the whole village of vampires, werewolves, zombies and whatnot to build Xmas presents, which of course end up scary and/or gross. The movie's juxtaposition of jolly and dreadful is why it appeals to older audiences, and why it endures with audiences who loved it as kids. I wish I hadn't been in college when it came out. "Nightmare," like all of Tim Burton's best films, manages to be both satirical and sentimental, macabre and cheery, child-like and world-weary. A sequel could never be as magical, although I would love to see how the other holiday towns look.

19. King Diamond: "No Presents for Christmas" (1985) - The best Eurometal Xmas tune of the '80s, and that's counting the X-Mas Project. For the uninitiated, the tiny, painted Dane on the mic made his reputation delivering an arsenal of theatrical grunts and falsetto wails in what is widely acknowledged as the first serious Satanic metal band who were any good. This single was the first solo recording King released after Mercyful Fate split, and features his former band's guitarist Michael Denner and bassist Timi Hansen. It also introduced Mikkey Dee, who went on to record the drums for Helloween's Rabbit Don't Come Easy and currently beats the skins for Motörhead. As is dictated by Fate/King style, the tune rockets around several musical themes, but it's uniquely silly and light-hearted among the dude's catalog of coven calls and gothic horror tales. I suppose that's just the sound of a Church of Satan guy mocking a holy day, gleeful that the "presents" in the title can be interpreted as a homonym.

20. "Weird Al" Yankovic: "Christmas at Ground Zero" (1986) - Of everyone pulled from the airwaves after that time those dudes crashed those planes (I forget the date), Alfred Yankovic was an unlikely candidate. But something most of Al's haters don't realize is that he's got a dark side, and he doesn't only do parodies. His other Xmas tune, "The Night Santa Went Crazy," is pure violence, whereas this one is so sarcastic and morbid you might mistake its lyrics for a Jello Biafra composition. I will never get sick of "Christmas at Ground Zero." For me, it's as integral to the season as egg nog and heartache. It comes from Polka Party!, Al's fourth LP, which for some unknown reason was his worst seller. I think PP! might actually be my favorite "Weird Al" album, although his entire '80s run was flawless. The video for "Ground Zero" was Al's directorial debut, consisting entirely of stock footage except for a final shot of himself with some gas-masked carolers. The Reagan clip is perfect.

A flower for Tower

Schaumburg's Tower Records, like all the others, is closing very soon. Even though anything I ever wanted to buy there was way overpriced, it was sometimes handy to not have to drive to Chicago or go through mail order, as Tower actually carried stuff I wanted. Add to this Record Breakers moving downtown, and my local album buying options have shrunk considerably this autumn. In Tower's case, at least I fetched some sweet low-budget horror DVDs.

"La Nuit des Traquées"
(aka "The Night of the Hunted," 1980)
The best deal I got was "The Zombie Collection," a set packaging three Image Entertainment Region 1 issues of flicks Salvation Video licensed for British release under their Redemption imprint - a $25 value for a mere $15, or $5 per flick. Two are by French erotic horror auteur Jean Rollin, and the other is "Riti, magie e segrete orge nel trecento...," a silly but sumptous piece of obscure Italian occult hokum. These releases are kind of old, and the Rollin pics have since come out in deluxe PAL multi-DVD sets. Redemption's hideous package art is unreasonably cheesy. Seeing how they specialized in upscale '70s Eurosleaze horror which was only going to be bought by collectors, why didn't they just use vintage poster art instead of these rejected Cradle of Filth t-shirt designs? However, these boxed DVDs come in plastic keep cases as opposed to the cardboard/plastic abominations that housed the original releases, which makes up for the stupid, unrelated cover art - as does the price.

Now, some consider "Traquées" to be Rollin's worst movie, yet it's the one that made me rethink my stance on the guy. He's most famous for a run of sexy vampire pictures that he continues to this day, but this is a departure in that it's about a woman who, like Guy Pearce in "Memento," cannot remember anything for very long and has no idea what is happening to her. The woman is played by French porn actress-turned-sex talk show host Brigitte Lahaie, who is possibly the most beautiful bottle blonde I've ever seen. She's very good here, although her role mostly calls for her to slink about looking lovely and dismayed. Even more than Lahaie and the other bare beauties on display, what really made the film for me was Rollin's obvious attempts to evoke David Cronenberg's early horror films. Sinister doctors, sterile modern structures, pregnant silences, melancholy dread and a somnambulant porn star protagonist alternately bring to mind "Shivers,""Rabid" and "The Brood," and not in a bad way. According to all sources, Rollin's signature move is indulging in dreamlike, wordless sequences where a pair of attractive European ladies wanders a dangerous environment like lost little girls in a fairy tale. That's true for the vampire nudie flicks of his that I've seen (which are kind of boring, honestly), it's true for the other Rollin movie in "The Zombie Collection ("La Morte Vivante," also worth a look), and it's true here. When coupling that continental approach with the Cronenbergian elements and a conspiracy plot that unfolds like a literal nightmare, you get a unique and haunting picture that just happens to include a lot of nudity and blood. What's not to like?

"Slime City"
(1988)
This obscurity really should have been a legend during the golden age of splatter rentals, but as director Gregory Lamberson points out throughout the Shock-O-Rama DVD's generous extras, the production was hamstrung by typical microbudget hassles. It was an era when homegrown grotesqueries like "Basket Case," "The Toxic Avenger" and "Street Trash" had enjoyed extended runs on the vanishing Times Square grindhouse screens, and had subsequently sent their interpretations of NYC squalor to the rest of the world via the new market of home video. Lamberson's vision and execution was on par with these classics, yet his flick languished in post-production and only found distribution once the outrageous gross-out horror video market had bottomed out. The original video distributor went bankrupt and flat-out disappeared. I hear this story with bands and record labels all the time, but it happens in independent cinema, too. The stakes are so much higher when you've poured all your time, attention and money into a project for years, only to see it languish in exile from anyone who would possibly enjoy your effort. It always frustrates me as an audience member, too. This loopy, goopy movie is very entertaining. I know a number of guys (yes, they are all male) who would have also loved "Slime City" if we'd had access to it at age 12 or 13, as we did with the aforementioned titles. The playing field is somewhat more level now thanks to digital video and the Internet, although as Lamberson says in his excellent commentary, the jury is still out as to whether anyone can make money doing it completely by themselves.

The "Slime City" plot is cheese of the Swiss variety: pungent and full of holes. That's OK, because there are supernatural forces involved, an element which once introduced always helps explain away inconsistencies, e.g. "It's the work of the devil, such powers can't be comprehended!" A guy played by a friend of the director moves into an apartment building where a famous Satanist once led his followers to suicide. Their souls now inhabit the tenants, who at least get a low rent payment out of the deal. Our hero is seduced by a girl who looks like something from the cover of a forgotten '80s metal record, who is played by the same girl who plays his girlfriend (a frigid blonde, as opposed to the lusty bad girl sporting a ginormous black curly wig). A punk dude in the building feeds him evil lime Jell-O and "wine" which resembles water with green food coloring in it. Soon, he begins to ooze slime from his pores until he kills someone, which for some reason makes him unslimy. Sometimes his abdomen opens to reveal a limb-chewing vagina dentata, which goes unexplained but was probably inspired by Cronenberg's "Videodrome." All this begins to affect the guy's relationship, leading to a marvelous climax in which he's gradually dismembered by his alarmed girlfriend. I'm talking yellow goop sprayed all over the kitchen and a crawling brain. Although it's very cheap, it's obvious that a lot of effort went into this flick, and it's a good thing that this disc exists. As a bonus, you get Lamberson's third feature, a surprisingly well-constructed thriller about an agoraphobe who gets a psycho killer roommate entitled "Naked Fear." This one looks even cheaper than "Slime City," as it does without the effects onslaught and is mostly shot in one room on Hi8 - all sound was done in post, like the Italians used to do. This Lamberson is an interesting guy. I want to see his other flick, which is (sigh) a vampire love story.

"KatieBird *Certifiable Crazy Person"
(2005)
And now for some of that modern independent horror cinema. This is the product of one Justin Paul Ritter, who worked very hard to see his vision executed and distributed after toiling on projects of varying budgets for about a decade, teaching himself film production in the process. The cast and crew were basically volunteers. On the commentary, the director notes that no more than six or seven people were on set at any time during its ten-day principal shoot, and many of them performed myriad production duties, which makes the closing credits interesting. Created in reaction to the formulaic crap Ritter saw others struggling to complete, "KatieBird" is not another body count picture, but a serious psychological portrait depicted in a potentially alienating style. While pleasingly gruesome, its focus is not on the gore but on the sadomasochistic murderer of the title, differentiating it from today's "extreme torture horror" trend. As a study of a disturbed mind, it's both more detached and more probing than "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer," and as an origin story, the commitment of the filmmakers ensures that it has far greater depth than soulless studio product like "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning."

What we mostly see is a lanky bottle blonde, who chains a guy who looks like Ron Silver with long hair to a bed and abuses him. This unstable lady is KatieBird Wilkens, played by Helene Udy, a lesser-known veteran of horror flicks including "The Incubus," "My Bloody Valentine" and Cronenberg's "The Dead Zone." This is intercut with scenes of KatieBird as a little girl and as a teenager, when she committed her first murder under the guidance of her doting father, who comes from a long line of killers. The entire movie is presented in little windows that pop up all over the screen, like that crazy Boston Strangler movie with Tony Curtis. These often present several views of the same scene (simultaneously or otherwise), depict a flashback or break a single image into impressionist fragments. At first, I found Ritter's experimental framing/editing pretentious, then infuriating, and finally, an effective technique. The tension generated by following those little pieces of information around amplifies a viewer's unease about what he or she is learning - or missing. It probably won't blow your mind, but from the acting to the hi-def camera work, the picture meets the director's stated goal: demonstrating that quality is possible in the realm of microbudget horror if sufficient care is taken. He planted subtle set decorations in "KatieBird" so he could set up a sequel in an organic manner - even his dream flick was an investment in the future. Ritter's a big advocate of DIY values, having adopted a mantra of "movies, not excuses" and formed a collective of folks passionate enough about filmmaking to help each other for experience in lieu of pay, sleep, health and other bourgeois comforts. Even if Gregory Lamberson is right and the audience willing to risk cash on new indie horror isn't huge right now, with enough entries like Ritter's out there, that might change.

Recent good listening provided by Devil Doll's massive Sacrilegium, Elvenking's jaunty The Winter Wake, My Dying Bride's miserable A Line of Deathless Kings, Fabio Frizzi's chilly score for Manhattan Baby, Sentenced's groovy Down, G.B.H.'s violent City Baby Attacked By Rats, Septic Flesh's unique Esoptron and Beirut's lovely Lon Gisland. Expect new Xmas tunes before the work week's done. Hey, check this out:

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Get thee behind me, Santa

Hey, I'm back. In the first of another two-part series, the mp3 player is updated with SoulReaper-approved songs of the season. Some are snotty, some are sappy, some are just plain bizarre. I did my best to avoid the moldy tunes you'll hear endlessly as you troll the malls this month, although there are a number of chestnuts roasted in an untraditional manner.

It's no secret that Xmas isn't my favorite holiday season, although it does have its charms: boozy reunions with family and friends, garish adornments, twinkling bells, blazing lights and spicy baked goods. I feel that the best "sincere" holiday songs capture that chilly/toasty feeling without getting too religious about it. Otherwise, I'm all for lobbing grenades at the sleigh. Everyone takes Xmas way too seriously, even those who hate their families or complain about the monetary issues it raises. Perhaps we all just wish it was like when we were very young, when the mystery and pageantry and harmony felt real. Perhaps those memories are powerful enough to sustain some people, and that's awesome for them. For the rest of us, I present a look at some of my favorite holiday songs.

1. Stan Freberg: "Green Christmas" (1958) - We begin with one of the most timeless Xmas novelty numbers ever recorded. The mighty Stan Freberg, who also gave us the classic bit "Christmas Dragnet" and "Nuttin' for Christmas," takes on the commercialization of the holidays. It's a seven-minute whirlwind of short songs and slogans built into a skit set during an advertising meeting, over which Freberg presides as a blustery Mr. Scrooge. This track was released nearly fifty years ago. If you hear someone say "Oh, Christmas is getting too commercial" this year, kindly remind them that it's been that way for a long time.

2. Mojo Nixon and the Toadliquors: "Jingle Bells" (1992) - The holly jolly favorite, delivered in the manner most of us truly love. Tell me that you don't think of these alternate schoolyard lyrics every time you hear the song. Piano wiz Pete "Wet Dawg" Gordon starts this number from the raucous Horny Holidays! LP with a fun little flourish, and Mojo's whiskey-burned growl brings it home. These days, Mojo is supposedly retired from the music biz, but he hosts an alt.country show for Sirius radio as well as the charmingly titled political talk show, "Lyin' Cocksuckers."

3. The Crystals: "Parade of the Wooden Soldiers" (1963) - People are always all Ronnie Spector this, Darlene Love that, but I'll take LaLa Brooks over any of the Phil Spector sirens. The lead voice of "Da Doo Ron Ron" and "Then He Kissed Me" was radically different from all the rest of the girl group singers, and Spector usually used an echo effect on her voice that gave her a kind of spooky glow. Here she is with some other young ladies assembled under the name The Crystals. The song comes from A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector, one of the few "nice" Xmas records I can enjoy in its entirety. Spector's fabled "Wall of Sound" translates perfectly to the sparkling, snow-blanketed Xmas aesthetic.

4. Sloppy Seconds: "Hooray for Santa Claus" (1992) - "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" gets a lot of shit from people who have something aginst "bad" movies, yet who usually have things like "Speed" and "2 Fast 2 Furious" in their DVD collections. Me, I think it's great. I loved it when I saw it in my youth on Channel 11 (PBS for you out-of-towners), and it's one of my favorite "Mystery Science Theater 3000" targets. It's amazingly cheap and ridiculous, and the closing song, originally sung by a chorus of enthusiastic children, totally rules. Here's a jacked-up rendition from the Lonely Christmas EP by "junk rock" lowlifes Sloppy Seconds, who I am pleased to learn are still active.

5. The Kinks: "Father Christmas" (1976) - This is one of those songs I heard on the radio one time as a kid and really loved, but didn't find out who did it until years later, when I saw the promo clip on "Night Flight." Ray Davies tells a great story, such as the one at hand about getting his ass kicked by a bunch of poor kids while playing a department store Santa. The song is a super catchy proto-punk rocker, deserving its status as a staple of Xmas playlists. Its intentions are good - reflect upon those who have less than you do - but the delivery is pure piss and gin. I swear, "Weird Al" stole the beginning of this tune for "Don't Wear Those Shoes."

6. The Pogues: "Fairytale of New York" (1987) - I don't understand how this bittersweet Celtic number became a widely accepted Xmas classic. Yet, just as you're bound to hear "Born in the U.S.A." at any fireworks display on July 4th, so this complicated conversation between longtime lovers tends to pop up on a lot of mainstream holiday compilations. It was actually re-released as a UK single last year to raise funds for a group demanding justice for the death of singer Kirsty MacColl, who joins that loveable rotten-toothed drunk Shane MacGowan on vocals here. It's certainly a tearjerker, but not a feel-good one. That's cool with me, as I usually feel like this on Xmas.

7. The Hollytones: "Christmas is Coming Twice This Year" (?) - I don't know anything about The Hollytones, other than the fact that they are on the 1995 Dr. Demento compilation Holidays in Dementia, where they also contribute the less amusing "Gridlock Christmas." From the opening slide whistle to the kids laughing at the end, this tune's mocking tone is great. It's a fine portrait of what selfish little bastards children can be, using guilt or flattery to manipulate their divorced parents into trying to out-gift each other. The music is really sterile and inoffensive, which works well against the cynical lyrics.

8. Run-DMC: "Christmas Is" (1992) - Sure, anyone who's seen "Die Hard" knows Run-DMC's immortal "Christmas in Hollis," which is easily the greatest Christmas hip-hop song ever. But few know this follow-up. "Hollis" first appeared on the charity album A Very Special Christmas, and this one was on the second edition of the series. Nestled right between Michael Bolton and Extreme on a CD that also boasted such talents as Debbie Gibson, Wilson Phillips, Jon Bon Jovi and Paul Young(?!?!?), the album isn't worth shit to me aside from this second and final holiday offering by the trio of Simmons, McDaniels and Mizell. It's no scratch on "Hollis," since Run-DMC's long, painful decline had already set in when they did this, but it's still pretty cool.

9. The Vandals: "Oi to the World!" (1996) - As I assembled this, it occured to me that there are way more good Xmas songs from the punk realm than from metal. Why is that? Metal is generally much more concerned with religion and sentiment. However, punk is generally much more concerned with making fun of stuff, and Xmas is an easy target. It's rare to find a good punk rock Xmas tune that's irreverent but not completely snotty, and the title track sticks out as such on The Vandals' typically goofy Oi to the World! LP. Doubling as a tribute to classic British street punk (from the fake Cockney accent to the oi! chants), it's a nice story about an Indian kid and a skinhead getting into a fight at a punk show, but who eventually bond in the spirit of the season. No Doubt later sucked the joy out of it on A Very Special Christmas 3.

10. Parenthetical Girls: "Last Christmas" (2006) - Thankfully not a Wham! cover, this nugget of seasonal sentiment comes from the third in a series of Xmas EPs self-released in tiny numbers by Seattle indie chamber popsters Parenthetical Girls. They only sell these at shows, and while I was stuck working the night of their recent Chicago appearance, my buddy The Wizard was there and kindly made me a copy of his. (The original is really cool, the cover is handmade out of penmanship paper.) Parenthetical Girls sounds like this all the time, and being big Spector fans, their music naturally translates to the holiday paradigm. The message of this tune is corny, but true: treasure the people you love this season, because you never know who will still be there next year.

11. Macabre: "Holidays of Horror" (1989) - All right, finally! A great metal Xmas song! Macabre is one of the finest outfits in Chicago metal history. Sourpusses don't like them because they see their serial killer fixation as silly gimmickry, or maybe simply because the trio has a sense of humor. This was evidenced in this early number about Ronald Gene Simmons, an Arkansas man who killed 16 people in the days surrounding Christmas 1987, 14 of them family members. "Holidays" is a good example of Macabre's unique fusion of high-octane death/thrash/grindcore, extraordinarily prodigious musicianship and sicko sing-song whimsy. It also provides the name of Macabre's long-running post-Xmas Chicago metal blowout. This year there are two shows: Dec. 29 at the Clearwater Theater and Dec. 30 at The Pearl Room.

12. Meco: "What Can You Get a Wookiee for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb)" (1980) - One of my fondest childhood holiday memories was hearing this song when a kid in my class brought in "the 'Star Wars' Christmas record" for a grade school holiday party. I only heard it once, but it made such an impression that the chorus stuck in my head all the way until a few years ago, when I discovered that Rhino had issued Christmas in the Stars on CD. I wasn't shocked to discover that Meco Monardo was responsible for the album, as he made a career out of "Star Wars" tie-in music, from the great disco medley of the John Williams score (the first pop song I ever owned) to the Ewok Celebration LP. I was, however, shocked to learn that its production had nothing to do with the infamous holiday special, as well as that my beloved little ditty - sung by droids assembling presents for Rebel Alliance heroes - got to number 69 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. Oh, and Jon Bon Jovi is on this album, too; it was his first recording, credited to "John Bongiovi." I recommend the whole platter for those poor souls who still love Lucas or who think holiday music is more fun the more annoying it gets.

13. John Denver and The Muppets: "Twelve Days of Christmas" (1979) - Other than Fozzie tripping up, this is probably the most straightforward cut on this list. Of course, it's from A Christmas Together, the record culled from the TV special wherein clean-cut folkie Denver jingled bells with Jim Henson, Frank Oz, Jerry Nelson, Dave Goelz and all the other *real* Muppet voices. My parents were big John Denver fans, so I heard him a lot growing up, and contrary to what you might think, I don't hate him at all. He wrote some catchy tunes and seemed like a genuinely nice, progressive guy. Denver and Henson are both gone, and the latter's kids have thrown his legacy straight into the trash. You've got to appreciate these fellas' seminal collaboration, especially if you were in the target generation for its initial release. Video available here.

14. Spinal Tap: "Christmas with the Devil" (1992) - I guess this is sort of a heavy metal Xmas song, or at least Spinal Tap's parody of one, and it has everything you'd expect from such a thing. A comeback by a fake band from a mockumentary released eight years prior, Spinal Tap's Break Like the Wind was a novelty from conception, so it's natural that they'd include a holiday number. It's not the best tune on the album (that would be "The Majesty of Rock"), but it's really funny if you imagine the faces Michael McKean is making delivering these lines. Actually, you can see him doing it here. "Silent night/Violent night!" Ha!

15. The Cryptkeeper: "We Wish You'd Bury the Missus" (1995) - Tales from the Crypt: Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas is one of my favorite cheap used CD finds ever. First of all, it's a horror-themed holiday album, which is sadly a rare item even at a point in history when about 200 killer Santa Claus movies have been released. If Glen Morgan can remake "Black Christmas," why can't we get more shit like this? Second, in keeping with the whole EC/HBO "Tales" tradition, the disc is loaded with gore-rible puns that in this context constantly steer every cutesy seasonal trope toward morbid mockery. "We Wish..." is perhaps its crowning moment. Although I do skip the awful "Christmas Rap," I try to listen to this album while wrapping presents every year. It really used to piss off my mom, the biggest Xmas lover I've ever known, but she doesn't have to hear it anymore.

16. The Business: "Step Into Christmas" (1981) - Not to piss on The Vandals, but here's an actual U.K. Oi! band, originally from a 7" of Xmas covers called Bollocks to Christmas they shared with The 4 Skins, The Gonads and Splodge. This has since been reissued on CD with a huge batch of other punk holiday tunes, but it comes to you here straight from Harry May - The Singles Collection. I love The Business, they're pretty much the epitome of grizzled, cantankerous, working class, pint guzzling, fish and chips eating, football scuffling British punks. And they're not racists. I saw the geezers last month at Riot Fest, and they still kick arse. Their attitude toward this cover, and thus obviously toward Elton John's original, is hilarious. I don't really have anything against '70s Elton John, but this song annoys the shit out of me, nearly as much as Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime." I'm glad The Business trounced it.

17. Kip Addotta: "I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus" (1984) - Dr. Demento introduced me to the classics, but he also does his best to feature a lot of contemporary recording comedians. Sadly, these days it seems that the professional comedy record is sort of a dead art. But for every Mitch Hedberg or Dane Cook or Lewis Black, there are a thousand stand-ups doing home recordings. This guy, Rockford-born Kip Addotta, has been releasing albums on his own for many years. His big hit on Dr. D's show, "Wet Dream," had him delivering an undersea detective story with an onslaught of hilarious fish puns ("I could see the anchor in his eyes") over a musical track. His holiday tune is much more perverse... or is it?

18. Jingle Dogs: "Carol of the Bells" (1995) - My buddy Jon used to be obsessed with one CD that blew everybody's mind: Christmas Unleashed by the Jingle Dogs. He used to drive around listening to it all the time. This was a spin-off from the briefly popular Jingle Cats, who had three CDs to the Jingle Dogs' one and make a guest appearance on this interminable two-minute tune. Did you ever have one of those '80s Casios where you could sample yourself saying "fuck" and then giggle endlessly while you played a rude version of "Mary Had a Little Lamb"? Same idea here, only a dude named Mike Spalla sampled dog barks and cat meows, then played Xmas songs over a hysterically cheap synth/drum machine combo. The demand for the feline version of this formula was apparently three times bigger than that for the canine. I don't take that as a reflection on all cat lovers, but, man.

19. Kurtis Blow: "Christmas Rappin'" (1979) - Ah, when rap songs were more rap than song. This was legendary New York MC Kurtis Blow's first single, and was not really a holiday song so much as a long string of rhymes that starts with a bunch of stuff about Santa and reindeer. Released mere weeks after the Sugarhill Gang's "Rapper's Delight," it has more in common with that tune than contemporary existence, mainly that both tunes are built on the basic tracks of Chic's "Good Times." Hip-hop very quickly became codified and commodified, rigid and studio-beholden, but in its infancy, it was more about human imagination, superhuman skills and never letting the party stop. Sure, "Christmas Rappin'" is simple. Early MCs and DJs created something new from what they already had; it was punk for folks who couldn't afford to maintain guitars. The world should have much more love for pioneers like Kurtis Blow than it affords them. This Xmas, when you're unwrapping the gift card you will use to download that Bow Wow song to your new iPod, take a second to remember the forefathers.

20. Type O Negative: "Red Water (Christmas Mourning)" (1996) - Finally, we come to a serious contender for the finest metal Xmas tune. During the '90s, a dire time for American metal, Brooklyn's Type O Negative was one of the few decent popular atttractions around. Led by former Carnivore beefcake Peter Steele (link probably not safe for work), their unique mix of doom metal, goth rock, hardcore and Beatles-style pop came draped in a velvety cloak, with pitch-black humor occasionally puncturing the flowery melancholy. By the time they released their third LP, October Rust, they weeded out the crankier musical elements and delivered one of the most lush, gorgeous-sounding productions in goth metal history. The disc was contentious, seen at the time as a sell-out. I've always liked Rust, especially the kitschy Drac-Rock-a-Go-Go single "My Girlfriend's Girlfriend." It's one of those metal albums people who think they don't like metal really should hear. This wintry lament, buried in the midst of a very autumnal set of tunes, is from the perspective of someone whose gathering of loved ones grows smaller by the year. Very genuine and sad, yet appropriately thick with seasonal atmosphere and peppered with doomy carol snippets. If you've ever felt as drunk and miserable on Xmas as I have the past few years, you'll agree that the music captures exactly what it feels like.

Part two coming whenever.

What I did on autumn vacation

Yaawwwn. Oh, hello there. I just returned from a week of vacation leave, during which I did nothing. Well, not nothing. Here's how it panned out, as I remember it. Not very exciting, I'm afraid.

Thursday: Thanksgiving was very nice. We had dinner early to accomodate my need to attend the Blind Guardian show at House of Blues. Mom accidentally put salt in the stuffing, but it was excellent as always. My stomach very full, I drove down to the Cumberland Blue Line stop and rode the rails downtown. I was early, and I didn't really care to see the opening band, Leaves' Eyes, so I walked around for a while to aid digestion, enjoying the unseasonably pleasant weather and the ability to smoke (the corporate fucks at HoB not only adopted the city's smoking ban years before it goes into effect, but will not let you come back in after going outside to smoke, either). Eventually, I went in, bought some merch, tossed down some beers with my buddy Jorge and muscled my way onto the crowded floor. As predicted, this was a much more exciting show that their last Chicago gig (Metro, December 2002), since they now have more American fans who know all the words and can sing along during the choir parts. I predicted the set list, too, except for the welcome surprise of "And Then There Was Silence" at the end (well, most of it, about 12 minutes or so). The best song anyone has put together so far in this century, it more than made up for the otherwise obvious selections. And with so many great "must play" songs to their name, I can't complain at all. Afterward, I headed back to the car and to the burbs, where I hung with Patch, Meredith and T-Bone for a while before heading home.

Friday: What did I do with my first *proper* day off? I alternated between TV judges and getting the blog ready for the holidays. Yes, I suppose I'm going to celebrate this year. Forty Xmas-related tunes are now chosen, ripped and uploaded, awaiting their placement in the mp3 player. When I post each batch, they'll be accompanied by commentary text. Taking this approach, a briefer version of what I do on my MySpace blog, will hopefully give me something to write about for infinity. So, back to the TV judges. I remember when daytime TV was all game shows, talk shows and "Beverly Hillbillies" reruns, but sometime during the last decade, Judge Judy apparently kicked off a craze that persists to this day. I already knew Mathis, but all week, I''ve thrilled to the likes of "Judge Hatchett," "Judge Alex," the new "Divorce Court," the new "People's Court" and my favorite, "Judge Cristina." Not just small-claims B.S. anymore, these shows are more like Springer's or Maury's, with skeezy toothless types recounting their horrible relationships and shriek-filled paternity tests ruling the roost. The judges, especially the vaguely Latina Cristina, tend to dish out tough advice with a little love. I can see how people get sucked into this stuff... way better than nighttime reality TV. Come evening, it was time to hang at the 413, where an interstate consortium convened to eat Chili's and abuse The Wizard's new Wii. I was finally taken down in boxing by the iron fist of George W., but I'm still a kick-ass bowler.

Saturday: This one is a blur. I finally saw "Borat" in the afternoon with Patch, Meredith and T-Bone. Otherwise, I know I drank, ate, showered, did laundry and watched some movies (among them "3 Extremes II" and "Kicking and Screaming"). Most of the evening was spent in the ever-familiar scenario of waiting for a friend to call me back, which for some unspecified reason never happened. But I sure got sloppy drunk waiting around, so it was all good.

Sunday: Woke up, cleaned the booze stench from myself and hauled out to Golf Mill to meet Barry and The Wiz for an 11:40 a.m. screening of "Casino Royale." The new cinema there was showing free movies before noon all weekend. We arrived too late, so me and The Wiz just went back to his crib to watch a hilarious direct-to-video Corbin Bernsen vehicle called "Spacejacked" and something else that I don't remember. Amy came by for a visit. Around the time "Family Guy" came on I needed to eat, so I just headed home, baked up some chicken strips and relaxed for Adult Swim. I also baked a tube of gingerbread cookie dough that had been staring at me from the fridge for nearly a week. I might have done dishes that day, too.

Monday: More lounging. I went through some mail. Think I watched Jean Rollin's magnificently Cronenbergian "The Night of the Hunted" that afternoon, or maybe it was Saturday. I'll probably be posting more about Rollin soon, as I think I'm becoming a fan. Anyway, come sundown I swung by T-Bone's crib and we headed down to Mokena, Illinois, the charming site of that evening's free Napalm Death show. The Pearl Room is a cool little joint: adequate sound and standing room, easy parking, cheap drinks, hot waitresses. It's where a lot of the non-mainstream U.S. metal tours are making their local stops lately - I went there in September to see Epica, in October to see Katatonia and in November for this "headbanger's holiday" event. For some reason, the venue decided to let people into this for a mere $2 service fee at the door, although it was possible to buy hard tickets for $20 via Ticketbastard. Whatever, there was no reason for me not to go at that price, and the grizzled grindcore grandfathers put on a typically vehement show. Not that the kids saw it... the crowd cleared considerably once Ozzfest vets A Life Once Lost finished, possibly because the lil' emo shits had no idea that those old guys in Napalm would be way more extreme than their chaos-core flavor of the month. Oh, that's too harsh. ALOL wasn't bad at all. Despite relying a bit too much on the Meshuggah playbook and much obsequious onstage begging for a weed handout, they were better than the overrated Animosity (I'd hoped we'd get there after they played), yet local heroes Dead To Fall wiped the floor with both of them. That Freak dude from Q101(?) was DJing in the bar next door, so me, T and Jorge decided to check it out, taking advantage of the dollar beer special. Freak actually spun metal, as in Testament and Venom rather than the Whitesnake and Wolfmother I assumed he would be toting, so it wasn't too bad. On the way home, I ate White Castle for the first time in years. Bad idea.

Tuesday: It began with lunch at Lou Malnati's, where I met a crew from the office to celebrate a birthday. Despite my intention to show up to a semi-work function in a metal t-shirt and drink beer while they were all on the clock, I only lived up to the first half. However, I was seated across from a former co-worker who brought her young kids, and I accidentally swore in front of them. (I would feel bad, but she was breastfeeding while I was trying to eat.) After that, I went home to a little time with the TV judges. I also enjoyed more flicks that have been sitting here. T-Bone and Sue dropped by just as I was starting "The Reincarnation of Isabel," and before the night was done I had burned through "The Living Dead Girl" as well as caught up on "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" for the week. Much hot cocoa and Bacardi was consumed.

Wednesday: By now, the gingerbread cookies were gone. I decided to tinker with my MySpace profile, to change the song to a Skyforger hymn, to post a blog entry about how awesome Skyforger is, etc. I know I watched "The Limey," too, along with more TV judge action. Around dinner time, I rolled to 413 with burrito in hand, where the Wizard and I joined forces and headed out for that evening's performance by Tokyo Police Club, a new-ish indie rock band from Ontario whose lone debut EP has apparently generated enough fans to sell out Schubas. It was raining like nuts, so travel was a pain, and they only played for roughly half an hour - this being a special "extended" set for the sold-out room. I bought a Fat Tire right before they started playing, and I finished it just as they stopped. Despite the brevity, the quartet was really good, playing a sort of college rock amalgam with shoegazer guitars and Casio keys swept up in sweaty dance-punk rhythms. Catchy songs. Good times. Once home, I started watching "Swimming Pool" before stumbling off to bed.

Thursday: It was suddenly very cold and gloomy when I woke up, as if winter had arrived overnight. Finished "Swimming Pool," watched Wednesday's "Daily Show"/"Colbert" hour (I taped it), then started writing this. Breaks were taken for various TV judges and whatnot. Then it was off to Rolling Stones' for a little shopping, then back to Schaumburg. A co-worker is retiring next week, so for the second time in my week off, I found myself at a restaurant with the office gang. This time it was Prairie Rock. Their stout is very tasty, like a glass of pumpernickel. I went through two with dinner, enjoying conversation that only occasionally veered toward The Job. After making my exit, I made a brief visit to 413, then tootled home in a shower of tiny ice chunks that we were warned could turn into 6 to 12 inches. And that, friends, was my pleasingly dull vacation.

Today: Work. Snow. Fuck. At least I have pizza and mini-golf to look forward to afterward, unless I can't move my car...